girl on the road

one hell of a year

2006-12-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

I just have to post today... it's been exactly one year since I drove away from Toronto in tears, not really sure why I had to go, but just knowing this was a trip I had to take. December 13, 2005: I threw away my life and started over.

The roadtrip was one thing, but the time since then that I've been living in Vancouver on my own has been something else. (I've started a new blog that I think about posting to quite a bit that's linked on the right navigation bar.)

Nevermind learning about myself, I have a new career in a new field. I work full-time and go to school part-time. Last week I just decided that I'm going to stay in school part-time and work on getting my degree. Why not? Learning never stops.

A number of people have told me that they respect what I've done - a five month solo roadtrip followed by a move to a new city! That's pretty tough, isn't it! Well yeah, yeah it is. Sometimes I just smile to myself. A solo roadtrip. Of course it was hard. Silly girl, good for you.

here i am

2006-06-30T00:14:00.000-06:00

i'm sitting in my apartment, just looking around. every so often i just sit and consider how much my life has changed in the last 6 months. Yes, in only six short months, you can change your entire being!

I've started a job that, when I describe it to people, sounds like a dream job. It's less money than I was making in Toronto, but I just had a few months of living in my car and stressing about the price of bread, eating mayonaise that had been in the cooler for 2 months, and sneaking into continental breakfasts at hotels. I'm working in an office again - something that I swore that I'd never do again - but it's different. I can wear what I want to work, and there's a good mix of familiar work and a brand new career path. It's a small company who provides a lot of perks for the employees in exchange for hard work. The office is in loft space with floor to ceiling windows. I look up from my monitor and see the mountains along the coast. I think I like it there.

I was honestly concerned that when I finished the trip and began my re-entry to civilization, that I would snap back into the person I was before the trip. All the life lessons and truths would be lost and erased. So far it isnt' so, and it's taken a lot of work. I still love meeting new people, and I still like to see what I can learn about myself as I learn about them. When I was unemployed I stood and chatted with an eccentric gentleman for about 20 minutes on the street. When speaking with a complete stranger, you can say whatever you'd like. I'm always careful to be nice, but it's a great opportunity to throw anything into the conversation. See how they react. See how their first impression of me was, and how I can mold that impression based on what I say. I learned a lot about people on the trip, and it's fun to see if my first impressions of them were accurate.

It's still pretty hard at times, of course. Sometimes the entire situation is very overwelming, and sometimes I mistake being overtired for being sad. All I need is a little time just to myself with nothing to do. On the trip I perfected the art of sitting around, and it's something I need in my life.

It's great to be a cycle commuter again. Vancouver is very bike-friendly, and I love the exercise. I spent so much time in the car on my trip though, I'm looking forward to going climbing this weekend. Climbing and I have had a love-hate relationship since the roadtrip - the complete opposite of what I and most others were expecting. I've had to pull back from it a bit, and I was really hoping I would find some other sports. Well, there's alot to do out here and with any new sport I'll be, well, a newbie. So instead of turning into a beach bum who goes to the gym, I'm going climbing everyday this weekend. When absolutely everything else in my life is brand new, at least climbing is familiar.

cold feet

2006-06-20T08:49:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm going into work today. I can't help but reflect on the past year or so of events. In September I decided to quit my job and take a roadtrip around the states. I worked to get things arranged in my life so I could get away. My last day at work was in early December - almost 7 months ago now and now I'm going back.

I just hope that my experiences with the corporate world were negative only because of the company I was working for. Hopefully this company is a little bit more progressive.

I wanted to come to BC and live a low key life as a server, have a simple existence and climb as often as I could. On my trip I experienced what it's like to be poor. I learned not to judge people by appearance - based on how people reacted to me when they thought I was just a dirtbag climber contributing nothing to society compared to how they treated me when they found out that I left a corporate stable job. I've realized that being paid to use your brain to make a living is not all that bad. I'm extreme by nature, in case no one's noticed by now.

So. Now I'm going into work to accept my offer. Life is going to be terribly busy quite soon and I've enjoyed my time off. Part of me can't believe that I'm returning to the work force, and the other part is quite excited to use my brain - and get paid for it! This company is sponsoring my education and I have some brand new skills to learn.

I'm scared. I can't believe I'm going back into the work world. It's been two months since I crossed the border back into Canada. Here we go, a brand new adventure. I just have to follow my gut instinct to navigate the currents of life. My gut instinct told me to return to the career world, so here I go...

job on the horizon

2006-06-16T21:47:00.000-06:00

Well, that was a good six months away from full-time employment, but I'm afraid that it's time to go back.

I think i scored meself a job today. I've been thinking about it for the past couple days, getting psyched up about it - it was a third job interview with two VPs of the company. The company is small, but they're rather particular.

"Why haven't you called my references?" I asked. Trying not to sound cocky, and being quite sincere. "I call them to tell them about other job interviews and they say they haven't heard from this company yet." "If you have any doubts in your mind, which i hope you don't, just talk to them.
I've negotiated a raise in three months, based on a review process that i want outlined in the offer letter. And, they're paying for me to be certified in the trade.

So, I guess that's that. I'll adjust to reality when i sign something.

I guess this girl on the road is switching to girl in the city.

hear me roar

2006-06-13T13:23:00.000-06:00

The road taught me an important lesson. Life cannot be controlled. I used to be a bit of a control freak, needing things to be a certain way, believing that controlling the little things in life would somehow make me happy.

On the trip, I searched for basic truths, about life and about myself. I found that life is about following the currents, and being happy with the little things.

On the trip I talked about needing kindness from strangers. Well, I’m still alone, and although I have some friends to hang out with and a not-bad social life for someone who’s been here about a month. Today is going to be a day where I go without talking to anyone all day. I have learned to enjoy this, to just be invisible. Some days i feel desperate to have someone to talk to. i email like mad and sign onto all of my messenger accounts. I turn up the ringer on the phone, check all of my email accounts, and catch up on the internet forums. Being on my own is something that I should be used to, so i have to curb the people-dependent behaviour. Going a full day without talking is a great behavioural science experiment for me to conduct on myself. It sure beats television.

I had to get used to being looked at as “the weird girl” just because it’s “weird” for a girl to be on her own. Cities are great places for single or gay people. Today I’m out wearing what I want, with very big hair. It’s a bit of a social experiment. I truly believe in not judging people by their appearance and I count on the same in return. The way someone chooses to dress tells us a lot about them and we can interpret the image they choose to project – but it’s a fickle science...

They’re classic Canadian rednecks. In their broken English (English being the only language they’ve ever spoken) they talk loudly about doing time in jail. The store is cramped, small, and has that strange “used stuff smell” about it. But it’s a great place to get some ugly used dishes, so I like to drop in before my shift at the pub. On Saturday, I walked in and fell in love. There’s a green velvet chair just inside the door. Inside the door means it’s a new arrival. It doesn’t even have a price yet. I walked around a bit and looked at dishes, searching for spice jars, specifically. This place has everything you could ever imagine, broken up into specific departments as indicated by the spelling error laden signs displayed everywhere. “Rackchets” is my favourite.

I ask for help from the elderly woman who runs the store and is obviously the hardened family matriarch. She’s the one that tosses the other family members around with verbal abuse from her solid stance at about 4’11.

I’m late for work but I don’t care because I hope to be quitting that job soon. I really just drive up there since I have to check my mail in squamish, maybe climb a bit and oogle the mountain biker and climber boys who frequent the restaurant. Oh, and I need the money. On my way out the door I have to pass the Gorgeous Green Chair (GGC) and I stop in my tracks. Okay, I’ll just sit in it. I sit down and am enveloped in comfort. It rocks, it swivels, it is so mine. I ask the elderly matriarch the price and find it pleasingly affordable. I arrange to pick it up the next day and head to work.

It’s a full moon, which is something I learned to celebrate while on my trip. I’ve turned semi-superstitious; if I notice a small pattern in my life, I’ll call it good luck and try to repeat it. It provides me with a way to follow life, and provides me with a small sense of routine. I camped out at the chief on my own that night to celebrate the full moon, and to dodge the impending but much needed doom of obtaining full-time employment. When I’m pitching my tent, I reflect on the first time I pitched it - 4am in West Virginia. That was about four years ago, I cracked one night, drove into work early the next morning, bought the tent at MEC on lunch break, and hit the road straight into Friday Afternoon Toronto Long Weekend Traffic. I was fatigued from being awake for so long. This was my first road trip with betsy who was only 14 at the time and hadn't been checked out before the trip. it was so late and this was my first time experiencing solo-roadtrip delirium as i ripped the tags off the tent and figured out how to pitch it. I then found myself wide awake as my brain filed through and replayed scenes from every horror movie i had ever watched. there's a good reason why i don't watch horror movies anymore. In contrast, my Sunday night at the chief was so comfortable and it felt good to be out camping by myself again. I make a mental note as I fall asleep to the roar of Shannon Falls: camping by myself is something I'm going to need for the rest of my life.

It’s back to the mini flea market, to adopt the GGC. I have a few theories on how to fit it in my car. Hey, sometimes you just have to believe. A lady in the store offers to help and at first I decline, pick up the chair and walk out the door. Oh my god it’s heavy. Jane runs out to help. She’s a somewhat trashy looking woman in her late 40’s with lots of ear piercings, big 80's glasses and about six necklaces that sit on her proudly displayed bosom. We carry the chair out to the car and I inform/warn her of my determination to fit it in my small car.

For Christ’s sake, I lived in that thing, it can fit a chair. We try the first theory. Front door, passenger side, seat down. It almost makes it, but the frame of the chair base is just about 1.5” too big to get in the door. Darn. I’m laughing at the situation and thanking jane for her help, while we share quips about the humourous side of being women struggling to get a big chair in a small car. She tells me how muscular she used to be, and I tell her I used to be pretty muscular too, and we share a laugh about how we used to feel manly with all that muscle tone, and we’re adjusting to feeling feminine. So anyway, we've established that we’re stubborn and strong and we can do this. The trunk is the next option for the GGC to come home, but it’s full. I keep chatting with jane as I empty the trunk of a lot of roadtrip leftovers of climbing and camping gear. I push loose socks, shoes, and empty starbucks coffee cups around while unloading backpacks. This used to be my closet, and now all my stuff is on the road, including the soup I bogartted home last night from the restaurant.

The trunk/closet turns out to be pro-choice and the GGC won’t fit. Okay, I can give up, I’ll just take a store credit and get some dishes or something. Jane and I stand on the side of the road, taking in the scene. Bouldering pad, back pack, duffle bag, and a whole lotta crap surround the GGC on the road. It’s a shame I can’t take it home. Jane and I look at each other with the same idea – why not try the back seat? I run to put the front seats up as far as they’ll go, and we laugh at how with great drama I release the driver’s seat, only to have it click up just one damned notch. Yeah, I’m short and if the seat was any further back, I wouldn’t have been able to reach the pedals. We manhandle the base off the chair, there are tools involved now so we’ve had to do a bit of grunting. We get the base off and squeeze the chair into the backseat. There is a lot of rejoicing when the chair finally eases in and I’m jumping up and down. The chair is mine. What’s mine fits in the car, and the GGC is IN the car. Fuck yeah.

I calmed down enough to offer Jane a coffee to say thank you and she politely declines. “The smile on your face when we got that thing in the car was enough for me.” She says.

She asks if I have someone in the city to help me get the chair back in the car and I say that no, I don’t really know that many people. She looks concerned so I reassure her that I could always ask my landlord to help. She’s amazed that I’m on my own in the big, scary city and I tell her about my roadtrip – about traveling around the states on my own in this little car. Doesn't it look a little bit lived-in? She looks a little distressed and scolds me about all the bad people you have to watch out for. I politely correct her and tell her that there are plenty of good people out there too, and this is something I learned on my trip – just to believe in and look for the good in people. I’m not a crazy hippy, I tell her. I mean, look. You’re a complete stranger and you just helped me get my GGC home. You didn't have to do this, but this is something that helps me to believe in people, so thank you. It isn't just about getting the GGC in the car, here. Her expression softens and she smiles. It’s like her face cracks when she smiles – the stress in her life has set some very stern lines on it.

Well, it was great to meet you and thanks again. I tell her. She extends her hand out to shake mine. Good to meet you too. I drove away high on life, with the base of a big, velvet green chair in my rearview mirror, at kissing distance from the steering wheel with the seat up all the way. This was one of my favourite things, and my sure-fire way to be happy: a quick burst of human interaction where I observe myself as a third party and I’m glad that I triggered a bit of happiness in someone’s life in return. Life is good. Now it’s time to climb.

stats!

2006-05-22T11:57:00.000-06:00

I've been back in Canada for a month now - life is busy as I try to get settled down and gainfully employed in BC. I've compiled some statistics from the trip....

Approximate amount of money spent: 3,000 CAD (not bad for 4.5 months)

Dates of trip: December 13, 2005 – April 20, 2006
Total Days: 128
Nights staying with friends: 9
Nights in a hotel: 3
Nights in a tent: 102
Nights sleeping in the car: 13
Driving overnight: 1
Days with a dog: 22
Longest amount of time spent in one destination: 4 weeks (Hueco Tanks, Texas)

Car
Name: Betsy
Make/Model: 1988 chevrolet cavalier
Color: blue
Maximum occupancy reached: four people, three crashpads and a back pack
Kilometers driven: approx 19,000

CAA rescues: two, one when the starter died, and one when some helpful strangers helped me swap the alternator out in front of an Auto Zone, only to find that the old alternator was fine. AAA came and put my car back together for me.

America
States visited: 19
States climbed in: 8
States driven through with no overnight stops: 6
Shortest amount of time spent in one state: new york, 1.5 hours
Annoying thing I've heard a lot: “you’re from Canada? I’ve been there.” (it's a big country, you know)

Best driving CD: Beck - Sea Change
Longest driving push with a passenger: 23 hours, Tennessee to El Paso
Longest driving push alone: 19 hours, Utah to Washington

Food
Approximate amount of peanut butter ingested: 5 jars
Cans of tuna ingested: feels close to infinity, probably between 50-100
Favourite recipe created, and then promptly overdosed on: tuna coleslaw pasta salad
Grocery item carried from Toronto, through the entire trip and on to BC: sesame seed oil
Lessons learned:
“how would this taste with tuna?” is a question better left unanswered
Macaroni and cheese by any other name is still just macaroni and cheese
Worst meal eaten: rice, cilantro, Portobello mushrooms, ruined with about a half cup of mayonnaise

Climbing
Number of climbing locations visited: 11
Crags visited total: 15
Crags trad: 3
Crags bouldering: 8
Crags sport: 4

Grades:
Hardest send (bouldering): V6
Hardest flash (bouldering): V4
Hardest send (sport): 11b/c

People:
Climbing "celebrities" met: 7
Climbing celebrities that remember my name: 0
Bizarre meeting: Met a guy in hueco who went to the same high school that I did.

Strangest slang terms:
“Ressy” pronounced “rezzy” – short for a reservation for the Hueco Tanks north mountain climbing area.
“Rig” so cal slang for just about anything. You can rig the rig in the rig while riggin’ it. Confused? Me too.

Dirtbagging
Score boiled eggs from a continental breakfast - save them for sandwiches later, take the coffee for now.
Get a few paper towels from the gas station everytime you put gas in the car so you don't have to buy any.
Dirtbag record: Went 6 days without spending money on anything but gas for the car
Attempted to cook potatoes via heat in the trunk on a sunny day (saves on fuel)
Times viewing family guy movie: 6 (it's the only movie on my laptop)

Pants
Pairs of pants brought: 10
Pairs of pants acquired:2 pants, 1 pr shorts
Total amount of pants: 13
Note to self: 13 pairs of pants? A bit excessive.

Blog
Did you know that as you’ve been watching my trip, I’ve been watching you? I’ve kept track of the hits on my site with a counter, and after leaving hueco, I would check in to see who was visiting. The final stretch of my trip, I would pull up to a hotel to obtain a wireless internet connection, and check to see who had visited recently. This gave me some company.

total entries: 60
entries that never made it out of draft mode: 6
Total visits: ~2,500 (during the trip)
Most interesting hits from a web search: “Toronto homeless”, “girl on road stripping”, and my personal favourite: “quebec swingers pictures”
Furthest away regular visitors: Italy, Singapore, Australia

just a note: I've enjoyed writing for a web audience. Sometimes it may have seemed quite personal. I talked about a lot of things, but there are topics I have intentionally excluded. There's no clandestine reason, this just isn't my diary or journal. This is a collection of stories, experiences on the road, and observations on life on a solo roadtrip. I hope you enjoyed it.

familiar yet foreign

2006-05-14T20:22:00.000-06:00

the big move out west climaxes tomorrow when the moving company shows up to transport my things to Vancouver. i saw my family tonight for the first time in six months, and a few of them asked me why i was moving so far away - why to BC? the truth is, i can't really answer that right now, except to say that i've always wanted to move out there, so i am.

being in toronto has been intensely comfortable. I know what neighbourhoods are where, and the bike-friendly route around toronto. it's so nice to see old friends, and stay in my old apartment. i was reading back in my journal today, where i made a comment that i always feel fucked up when i leave a location. i guess that the roadtrip was preparation for the actual move... making toronto just another place to leave.

i have two different places to stay out west, and three different part time jobs lined up between squamish and vancouver. i have an interview for a full time job next week, and need to find an apartment by June 1. this is more than a crossroads of life, it's a freakin' cloverleaf interchange.

the real world strikes back

2006-05-12T08:20:00.000-06:00

being back in toronto has been very busy. i'm trying to see everyone - friends and family - as well as pack up all my things for the big move out west. it's been a toss up of visiting my old self, or being a guest in my old home. i'll be writing more later but for now, here are some pictures of the climbing i've done in the past week.

I climbed five out of six of my last days in BC before coming back to Ontario. My rest day was spent on the plane, and it was climbing the next day at my old home crag, the Niagara Glen.

meg leads up the "weird" warm up route in Chek Canyon, Whistler BC

kevin figuring out his beta and trusting those crappy intermediates on Easy in an Easychair - Squamish BC

Brian demonstrates his super smooth beta for us in between our attempts.

hey look, the earth really is round. a view of the rocky mountains on the flight back to toronto

The boys warming up at the glen - Niagara Falls, Ontario

Damian matching the rock and setting up for the toss on a glossy, shiny warm-up.

Paul's send of the day, and a shirt to match the pad as well.

never was a cornflake girl

2006-05-01T18:40:00.000-06:00

Moving to Squamish was a very romantic idea that my partner and I agreed upon almost three years ago when we visited the area for less than a week. It seemed like the ultimate sacrifice, and the way to be “real and hardcore” climbers. Well, I just quit my well paying job and drove around the states climbing for almost five months, so I have nothing to prove about being a real climber or not.

As humans we have many classifications, and I was raised with a religious identity assigned to me from my family. While I enjoyed the community aspect of it, I didn’t agree with the belief system imposed on me in exchange for security. I wanted to know how I really felt about the world, so I ventured out on my own. It was tough to find my place in the world; my community had been taken away from me and it felt as if I had nothing to fall back on. It was at that time that I found climbing, and quickly adopted it as an identity. It was an emotional “quick fix” and something to immerse myself in.

This trip was not at all what I expected. Besides wanting to travel and see new places, I must admit that there were some very selfish and shallow expectations from my trip. There were grades I wanted to tick, an appearance I desired, and I wanted to really focus on being a physically strong climber. Instead of being a stronger climber, I feel stronger emotionally and mentally. I've defined my own personal belief system and I feel secure standing on my own.

I’ve obviously had a lot of time on my own, and I’ve had time to think about my relationships with other people, and really reflect on my life thus far. I have been able to make peace with and let go of so much. Really, We control our own destinies.

This year has been like those "choose your own adventure" books that my brothers and I used to enjoy when we were children. instead of navigating my way through a mummy's tomb, (those books always had mummies) I am shaping the sort of person I will become. Every so often I catch a glimpse of the sort of old lady I will be, and I like her.

The reason I’m not roadtripping anymore is because it's time to make money. In squamish the climbers seem to be established locals, or dirtbags. I just can't dirtbag anymore. Not when there's a city so close (Vancouver) where I can get a job that I'm qualified for, and make enough money to pay my rent. I don't need as much money as I made at my job in Toronto, but there's no need for me to be poor while I have a desire to work, and head on my shoulders and brain in there as well. I'm really excited about this decision - to get to know a new city. I’ve seen so many new places these past six months but this one I get to explore as a potential home. What a great year this has been so far. Living on the road I was able to shed my old ways: meticulously navigating through a new place, paying more attention to a roadmap than to my surroundings. Instead I find it fun to just drive, get lost a little, get my bearings, and figure things out as I go.

On the weekend I just decided to get in the car and left the house about 10 minutes after my decision. I miss that old "hitting the road" feeling. I drove to Vancouver, took an exit and drove around looking for a café with wireless internet access. I emailed friends and looked at apartment ads for the city, and got a feel for being there on my own. Eventually I found good friends to hang out with, and ended up spending a very refreshing evening with them.

The next big step is my return to Toronto. I need to pack up my things and figure out a way to ship them out here. I know it’s going to be incredibly busy, and probably pretty tough. I'm looking forward to seeing so many friends again - faces that I’ve thought of fondly during my trip.

Squamish has been a great introduction for my re-entry into society (sounds like a reentry from space) and I’m eternally grateful to my friends for putting me up and putting up with me for a couple weeks as I recovered from the road. I showed up with the social skills of a wet dog, very disjointed from the world around me and not sure where to start to get a life of my own.

I just really believe in myself again. Squamish has helped me slowly get back to society but for now I have to believe that I will succeed and have a happy life in Vancouver. If something changes there, well, I guess I’ll just have to hit the road.

cilantro saved my life

2006-04-27T20:31:00.000-06:00

i passed my roommate on the way home from the grocery store this evening. When asked "what are you going to do tonight?" I drew a blank and then responded "bask in the surreality of my life".

Ah yes, 2006 has been very surreal. A solo roadtrip where I drove 19,000km and visited 19 states. Spent a portion of my savings, and then scrambled back to Canada when I just couldn't appreciate visiting another new place.

I've been in Squamish for a week now, and things are going okay. I'm a basic everyday poor person, shopping at second hand stores, putting things back at the grocery store when they are deemed unaffordable, and spending many hours at the government employment agency. It's no fun to feel like an every day poor person, so I try to feel like a climbing bum dirtbag instead. At least that's a familiar feeling. Things are exactly as I had expected they would be in Squamish, and I'm really glad that I took the roadtrip first, instead of just moving straight out here from toronto. Things may have been a bit easier financially, but I doubt I would have coped very well.

I have secured employment... I had a very successful interview today and obtained a position as a hostess at a local restaurant. From there I'll be able to work my way up to being a server. This is what I wanted. I wanted to live in Squamish, I wanted to work at this particular restaurant. I am neither happy or sad about today's turn of events. Maybe when I collect my first pay cheque, reality will kick in. Until then, I haven't made any money at all in 2006.

A key thing that I have learned lately is about dealing with stress. Years ago, my motto was "I don't believe in stress, and I don't get stressed." I have now revised my belief to "you can't run from stress." Stress is everywhere, and typical of the English language, we're lacking words to describe it. There are so many different types of stress. My previous job was stressful, mainly because I wasn't getting a sense of accomplishment, and I wasn't interested in most of the tasks that I was assigned. Being on the road was a totally different type of stress. I think it's just best to recognize stress when you see it, and when you feel it. Call it what it is, it helps with the coping.

Money is a strange creature. In my old job position I could feel myself falling into the trap of never having enough. I'm glad I dropped everything before I woke up one day, old and stable, and realized that I hadn't scratched anything off my life's to-do list.

I'm really glad that I made a total life change. I'm happy with the results so far, and happy with the attention I have been able to give myself. Since I only know a handful of people here, I have more time to focus on my own mental health. Meditation and exercise help me feel in control of my otherwise drifting life.

I've picked a job that I won't make very much money at right away. In all reality, right now I'll have to work a few jobs to make ends meet. But that's okay. I want to work in the hospitality industry, specifically as a server, because I know I'll be good at it. I just know. With the techie job, there were always more educated people, or people that were up on the cutting edge of technology, reciting facts about the latest gadgets and gizmos when I just didn't give a damn. There was always a risk of losing skills or knowledge. As a server, I can work anywhere. This supports my dream to travel. Ah yes, travel is what I want to do. There are restaurants just about anywhere, and soon I'll be able to work all over the world. I'm happy that I got the job that I planned to get.

I'm happy that i've learned how to be self-sufficient, and most of all, I'm happy that I've learned how to focus on the good in my life.

making it

2006-04-24T22:35:00.000-06:00

I have made it to squamish safe and sound.

Lately, I have had one question rattling around in my head – where is home? I’m back in Canada, and that’s certainly home for me. But as I meet new people and they ask “where are you from?" I always hesitate. Perhaps for so many people that’s an easy question to answer. A real No Brainer. Well, I need some time to think about it.
I grew up on the east coast, yet I see no future for myself there. I spent eight years in Toronto, yet I see no future for myself there, either. I find the smell of the ocean, especially that skunky low tide rust and rot smell, strangely comforting.

Home is where the heart is. Home is where you hang your hat. How long does it take to feel at home in a place? How long can a person go without feeling at home?

I feel strangely homeless, but not in the living on the streets sense of the word. I must admit though, I have seen a few really big cardboard boxes lately that I considered excellent “fix ‘er up ‘ers”
I have been meeting lots of new people. Is this where I belong? Is this home yet? I have met plenty of people in the same age group and with a similar look as me. When I was a teenager, I dressed to look different, but secretly found it comforting when I saw other kids that dressed the same as me. We adorn ourselves in a way that we hope to attract people much like ourselves.

I have graciously accepted the hospitality of dear friends of mine, settling down in a corner of their warehouse apartment. Standing on the deck, I can see every route on the Chief and Shannon Falls as it pours down from the mountains. A 360 degree turn reveals a number of mountain ranges. On Sunday I climbed multipitch trad on the apron in the morning, and single pitch sport up the road in the afternoon. How is this possible? I don’t feel worthy to live in a place like this.

I am homesick for so many places. The smells and sounds of the ocean here remind me of nova scotia. I miss the lifestyle I had in Toronto, and the disposable income. Here I am still a foreigner, and this beautiful scenery doesn’t seem like it’s mine just yet. I am not worthy.

homeless homecoming

2006-04-20T10:07:00.000-06:00

i really pushed yesterday. i drove from about 6am until 1am this morning.

when i was trying to decide on a place to sleep, i asked myself, "where do i want to wake up on my birthday?" there was only one answer - by the ocean. i grew up on the east coast, very close to the ocean and i've missed it since i moved. my entire eight years in toronto, something didn't quite feel right.

i parked by a picnic area on the west coast of washington state. i know it's a different ocean then the one i grew up by, but the sounds and smells are the same. i just went for a quiet walk on the beach with the sunrise.

amazing. when i knew i was going to be on the road for my birthday, i was trying to plan something to do, somewhere to be, but i really preferred the surprise results.
I'm just south of Seattle, and i'm going home.

oh, canada

2006-04-19T13:26:00.000-06:00

i'm in the middle of idaho, continuing my run for the border. this trip had to end sometime, and it's just been tough to focus on another two weeks of "drifting" before my return to the quasi-real world.

the decision feels great, and the road is treating me well. i think i'm out of the desert by now. well, there's grass instead of cacti, so i'm guessing i'm out of the desert. i was there for three months. there is lots of time to think now about the big life change approaching quickly. i'm ready to find a job, and ready to not live in my car anymore. it was another uncomfortable night.

i hope that i'll be able to take these experiences with me, that i'll be able to remain calm and continue in my endeavours to understand people's behaviour rather than react to it.

besides, i can think of no better way to spend my birthday eve, within the context of a roadtrip. i was hoping for some super inspiration at all those parks in utah. and though the sights were the most beautiful i've seen, and the most unique, i just couldn't think with so many people around me.

i'm cruising back to the border, i can think of no better place to spend my birthday than back in canada.

quit road hit road

2006-04-18T23:23:00.000-06:00

ah, it's good to be on the road again. it's been pedal to the metal at a solid 80km/h. it's going to be a long drive.

i've realized that i've become addicted to driving as of late. it's the only place i really get any privacy, and i may as well get my fix now. it's great to be driving after dark again. i've been in bed responsibly by sunset for the past week, and i finally cracked. it's not like i've slept through the night at all the past week.

so, farewell, utah. sorry for missing all the scenic overlooks on the way out, but i have to go now. you've been really, well, pretty. it's not you it's me, i'll call, no really.

stranger in a strange land

2006-04-18T17:26:00.000-06:00

*watch out... longest post ev-er*

so monday was the day to talk to people. i'm in a climber town, so there are people to talk to. i exchanged a few words with people i saw in zion, but normally they appeared frightened when i told them i was on a solo rock climbing road trip. she's crazy. i can understand that, to a family out hiking, living on the road and climbing rocks may seem crazy.

i go on a will-work-for-food quest and all i manage to do is sell a book. I’m happy with my new five dollar bill. on the way back to the car, i see a guy sitting on a bench and say hi. are you a climber? i ask. i've been searching for climbers. i ask if i can get some beta from him and he realizes that he recognizes me from hueco. yes yes i remember him now too. i met a lot of people in hueco. where do the climbers camp? i ask him. he tells me about indian creek, which is an hour south. south is the wrong way for me right now but what the hell, i've heard all about indian creek and why not go for some stellar crack climbing? i told him that i've been mostly bouldering lately and that i don't have much experience on splitter cracks. no worries, he tells me. everyone is super chill and super friendly. he draws me a map to the crag. where's the camping? i ask him. oh, you can camp anywhere. where are you camping? i ask. oh, down past the river, he says, evading my question. Someone he knows walks by and they exchange greetings. They ask him where he's staying, to which he responds "the cottonwoods". I ask him about the cottonwoods camping area and he says "oh it's just a place to camp by a river with some trees." Sounds perfect.

moab's having a windstorm today and bouldering by myself is a bit extra challenging. a few times i have to brave a top out after my pad blew away, and another time i had to jump down and chase it as it made a tumbleweed style run for the highway. so what, i make the best of it despite the weather. nothing's ruining my mood.

I’m thinking about how religion seems to have fallen from grace lately. it isn't as popular anymore, and people need new ways to identify themselves. in moab this weekend there was some sort of annual jeeper gathering. jeeping is going offroad (preferably in a hyper-jacked up jeep) and moab has a lot of off road tracks to choose from. i camped off to the side of one last night, and probably ruined the off road experience for a few people when they saw my little, old, beater car parked in there no problem. i guess my identity is one of a climber, and i was craving climber companionship after a few days hiking in national parks. if climbing is a religion, then sign me up!

it's a gorgeous drive to indian creek down from moab and i'm on the top of the world. i have finally adjusted to the concept that my roadtrip is ending. i'm going to be happy, damn it and enjoy that last little bit. i don't know when i'll be able to do this again. this is what being on the road is about, I just talked to a guy in moab and now i have directions to climbing and a place to camp. the music is perfect and the scenery is great. i'm bringing provisions to stay a few days in case i like it. the drive goes according to directions, i'm stunned at the scenery, slowing down to take pictures of my surroundings. I find the crags and look for the camping. i see a few tents off in the distance and it suits the description of the guy's site. Trees and a river. Perfect.

driving around the camping area, looking for signs of climbers, i turn the corner and there are two very long slacklines. i found them! this is where the climbers camp. it will be so good to have people to hang out with tonight. i find a spot in the bushes to pitch the tent and get to it. i'm so excited. excited to be here, first of all. it's the most beautiful place i've ever camped - surrounded by miles of sandstone cliffs, and there is some lush greenery donated by the nearby river. i'm also excited since i'm going to sleep in the tent. i just spent six nights in the car, and i can take no more. i need to settle in the same place at least for two nights so i can sleep.

a car pulls up, and when i stand up from pegging the tent, two girls are standing there, looking at my car. since i've had problems with the starter i try not to start her too often, so i left her in the middle of the circle while i found a place to pitch. i apologize right away and say i'm going to move my car, and they inform me that i've pitched on someone's site. say what? there was no indication of anyone living here... not a cooler, a bin, a chair, nothing. i apologize, and look back at the tent. i tell them that i just finished pitching the tent and i'm sorry, but, well, i'm done. no one is making me pitch this thing again. well, a guy has been parking there for quite a while. parking over here? i haven't even parked my car yet, so i offer to work things out with the guy when he gets here. well, one of the girls says, just to give you fair warning. yes, fair warning, echoes the other girl. I’m not really sure how to respond to my fair warning, so I walk way, returning to my tent.

here i was having a perfect day and now this. why do girls have to be so mean to other girls? i've been experiencing this my entire life. we seem to pose some sort of threat to each other. well, i'm here on my own, i pose no threat, i can leave tomorrow if necessary, damnit. i'm going to have a good day. i am having a good day, and nothing's going to ruin it. this is free land, and I’m too old to play these games. this is silly. i go over to talk to one of the girls.

i walk up, smile, and introduce myself. she laughs and apologizes right away if they were defensive. she asks if i have anyone with me. no no i say. now i understand. they are a close knit group, the permanent residents and they're sick of the weekenders showing up and taking over. they're exhausted from the easter long weekend, as am i. holidays are tough when you're a dirtbag. I talk with both of the girls, about being on the road, and living to climb. I was so glad that I went over to resolve things, and they both apologized for being hostile. Hopefully it’s just another funny story, one of them says.

it's my first time walking into a climbing area all on my own. i don't know anyone here, i don't expect to meet anyone here, and i haven't brought anyone with me. i showed up on my own in tennessee, but that was different since I was the only one there. This time, i have walked into the middle of a group and in doing so i have upset the balance. one by one they come by to check me out. i get an invite over to the fire later and it turns out that the guy who's site i stole left today, so that resolves that. No worries.

I finish dinner and walk over to the fire. Barely anyone looks up, not even the girls that were so friendly earlier. Maybe I have arrived late, and missed the invitation? I answer a few direct questions and they seem confused by my response. The word “bouldering” hangs in the air and the conversation stops.

It was a bit awkward, but so what. I have been on the road for over four months, and I’ve got nothing to apologize for. I was looking for the climbers, and I found them. I’m just glad to be here. I’ll get through this like I’ve gotten through so much on my trip already. It’s just another thing that will make me stronger. I can take it.

It turns out that I’ve pitched on the site of some Yosemite search and rescue guys. They are Serious Climbers, and a dirtbag boulderer is like the anti-christ to them. The next morning they continue ignoring me, and instead make some snide remarks about Squamish, though they know that’s my destination. I have met so many climbers in the past few months but these are like no other. One of them inquires about my age and guesses me in my very early 20’s. I laugh and tell them that my birthday is on Thursday, and even round up the age I’m turning, for good effort. No birthday wishes. They’re quiet again, and one of the girls says over her shoulder “you’re still a lot younger than us, just so you know.” Silence returns.

Got to be strong! I really wish I had a friend here to climb with. I haven’t trad climbed in a while, and I have a few good friends in BC that I’ll be climbing with in the future. Boy I wish they were here now. I float around the campsite, wanting to leave, but rationalizing a stay. It’s cheaper to stay in one place rather than move around, but I’m just not comfortable here. I’m nervous about when they come back. The guys that have been ignoring me, should I befriend them? Whatever it’s going to be, I’m going to have to make an effort. It’s probably going to be another uncomfortable night.

My world spun around me. I felt completely homesick, but I don’t know where home is. My partner was just visiting me for four weeks and he’s been gone a week now. I wish he was here. I have no one to talk to. I thought I found where the climbers were, but I’m not welcome.

I snapped. I snapped, crackled and popped. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t tiptoe around strangers trying to make best impressions. I can’t be poor, stressing about how to afford food, or where I’m going to sleep for free tonight. I’m exhausted from introducing myself to people, I can’t take it anymore. I miss my friends. I miss having friends around.

I have to follow my gut instinct. I have to leave. The climbing here is world-class but it’s still inaccessible to me. I’m not welcome where I’m camping, and if I’m going to pack up the car, I’m going to drive. It just doesn’t feel right to be on the road anymore. I’m stretching it on the money I do have, and I’m ready to return to work. I miss my partner so badly and the only way I can see him faster is to get us set up in Squamish.

I throw my stuff in the car. Screw this, I’m going to go see my friends. I’m going to BC.

dancing with tears in my eyes

2006-04-17T09:05:00.000-06:00

Southern Utah is almost Too Pretty. The sights i have seen over the past few days are becoming a sensory overload. The landscape is constantly changing, but changing drastically from one amazing view to another.

I have visited three national parks, and driven through a few national monuments and national forests. There's a reason why these places have been preserved as parks... it's like this is the only place on earth such formations exist. It's like nothing I've ever seen before, and when I was originally dreaming of this roadtrip, driving my little car through the southwest, i imagined driving by loads of desert towers. Now i've gotten the scenery that I wanted and it's too much to handle. If I had to live the rest of my life in black & white, I would be happy if I could only keep my memories in color.

I surprised myself yesterday by pushing through to Moab. It almost feels like I'm going in the wrong direction, since Moab is the furthest east that I'll be backtracking on this trip. I could see the mountains in Colorado from the highway, and I would love to go there. I've never been to Colorado, but time has run out and I should save something for next time. From now on it's North and West.

Moab is a great little climber/outdoorsy town, with a cute main street, and wi-fi everywhere. Buying a cup of coffee today was a huge treat for me since I have managed to go six days only spending $6, besides gas. Gas is my only necessity right now, I've been living off the provisions i had already, and eating some very creative meals. I've perfected my personal art of dirtbagging, and I'm almost impressed with how resourceful I've become. If I need something, I think really hard about how I could get it for free. Towns like this are great since I can live off the surplus provided by the tourism district.

Free camping has been creative and exciting. Adventure! I have spent nights squatting on other people's paid-for campsites, a cold night at 8,000 feet in a horse camp, and a night by the Virgin river in the piss-pouring rain hoping i would be able to get my car out of the mud in the morning. Last night I followed directions I found online to "moab free camping" and pulled just off a 4x4 road to park the car. I'm getting more comfortable with sleeping in the car although the experience itself is not comfortable at all. I can't wait to pitch the tent and sprawl out on my luxurious air mattress (free score in bishop.)

what, me worry?

2006-04-16T09:18:00.000-06:00

I am in the middle of my tour of National Parks in southern Utah. So far I've visited Zion and Bryce Canyon. The beauty here is almost ridiculous. I'm sitting in the lobby of an area hotel, so I must hurry up with my wireless usage.

Zion was breathtaking. I did the "angel's landing" hike, which brings you along the top of a ridge. There are chains in place and warnings about falling off. I squeezed past a number of tourists in heavy duty mountaineering boots and technical approach wear as they were frozen in place, with a death grip on the chains. It was pretty crowded on angel's landing, there wasn't much room for any angels to land since the landing strip was covered in people eating sandwiches. The view was beautiful just the same.

Zion means "house of god" and maybe god was surprised so many people showed up for easter. We were treated to a thunder and lightning storm, and that seemed to clear out the crowds. I also did the Hidden Canyon hike, and was pleased to find that the maintained trail really does end at the mouth of a canyon, and you are free to walk back as far as you'd like. This was a treat since otherwise you're limited to where the shuttle buses take you, and it happened to be one of the busiest weekends at Zion. I found some beautiful scenery and valuable solitude in the canyon; the thunder would rumble for about 10 seconds and then echo back and forth through the valley for another 30 seconds. Amazing.

On the way back out, I managed to inadvertantly scare a few more tourists. One lady grasped the chains, and as I willingly yielded to let her go by, she grabbed my sleeve and yelled "SHE'S WEARING FLIP FLOPS!!!" I explained that they are hiking sandals and that I'll be fine, thanks. Another time I moved off the chains to allow another hiker to pass, the girl froze and said "I'm not that comfortable with you over there." I think i've gotten over my fear of heights, I used to get vertigo at about 14 feet up when I was a child. Really, I wasn't that close to the edge.

Being shuttled around the park was a bit of a novelty - it's not often that i'm a passenger these days. But it was amazing the next day when I got to drive out of the park on my own. There's something about driving yourself... it's your view and you aren't sharing it with a busload of people.

It's been an interesting experience to be on my own in these parks over a holiday. I rarely ever see another solo hiker; it's almost only families and couples. I can't help but feel a bit on display. Each person who sees me seems to register "hey she's on her own." When I went to Bryce Canyon, I picked out the strenuous hike that said "less crowded" in the description. I did the Fairyland loop hike, which checks in around 12km. It was amazing, and i only saw about 5 other people the entire hike.

The photos from Zion are a bit grey and gloomy, mainly because it was overcast. I am having trouble loading photos, so I will check back in and post pictures of Bryce Canyon next time I am online (hopefully with a better signal).

it's fun to ask a complete stranger to take your picture. really, you just hope they don't take your camera.

a few of the eight deer i had a staring contest with in Bryce Canyon

the tower bridge, bryce canyon

looking back over the canyon towards the end of the fairyland hike. with that much pink, it is a fairyland...

dust in the wind

2006-04-13T17:41:00.000-06:00

time flies, time drags, and no matter how it feels, time just keeps going by. it's my lucky day - number 13 - which marks four months of being on the road.

i'm living in the car again, in red rocks for a few days. some kind climbers let me park on their campsite free of charge since I can't even dream of paying $10/night for camping. the final crunch is on, and it's time for some Extreme Dirtbagging to save on expenses.

today i went to do an easy circuit of problems at the kraft boulders close to red rocks. i've been amazed at the quality of the bouldering here... who knew that on top of high class sport and trad, there's high class bouldering, too? the rock is sandstone of amazing quality and there is an abundance of really easy but interesting problems to ensure you're warmed up enough. it depends on timing and the route i choose to take back to canada, but i would really like to come back this way.

i'm leaving for Zion right now, it's a full moon tonight and i want to go somewhere amazing to watch it rise. it's time for the tour of Utah's national parks... arches, bryce canyon and zion are all on the list. off to the 17th state visited so far on this trip....

all you can dirtbag

2006-04-12T16:07:00.000-06:00

In some respects, it feels like my roadtrip is over.

In some respects, it is.

Maybe I got a little carried away with drifting. I have a very extreme personality -- someone described it as "polar". I'd like to point out that that's polar without the bi. Middle ground is unknown and I can be complete opposites of myself sometimes. I've been observing myself on this trip, trying to learn a few truths here and there.

I'm already reflecting on the trip, sifting through the emotions and experiences that I’ve had along the way; finding inspiration in thinking about the people that I have met. Maybe we don’t realize how much of an impact we have on each other.

We owe it to ourselves and to any one we care about to figure out one thing about ourselves. What makes you happy? and from there, what do you absolutely need in life to be happy? Not knowing those needs, specifically, puts pressure on those who care about us. We may expect them to provide something, but neither of us knows what it is.

I will share a few of the absolutes I have learned that I need to be happy. I need to have my hair down, I need to be active, and I need to eat well. Something about me that I no doubt have in common with many other people, though, is that i need a certain amount of kindness from others. Since i'm by myself, this means I have to be the trigger. I'm dirtbag poor, so there's not much I can offer.

One night early in this roadtrip, I returned to the campfire to return something to someone and found a young man sitting all by himself, listening to a CB radio. I asked if he had seen the people i was looking for. He said that they had all gone to bed, and quickly added "do you want to talk?" I thought about how nice it would be to get up early tomorrow. Getting up early is so practical, and the day feels longer. I should go to bed. All i wanted to do was go to bed. This guy looked like he really needed to talk, and this could take a while. But when I really thought about it, I realized that there really is no agenda when you're a dirtbag. I could offer my time. I sat down, and we chatted for a couple of hours. He didn't need to vent, or ask my opinion on some grave issue; he just had a lot of conflict in his life as of late and needed someone to talk to. Life is incredibly busy for so many people and when you're living on the road, you're only busy if you want to be. I can offer a listening ear.

It’s easy to become wrapped up in the small little world that life provides. Our focus narrows and so much can be excluded. Being out on my own, just about everyone I meet or see is included in my world by default. It’s important to try to not purposely cause additional stress for others. Hold the door open behind you for someone or let someone into traffic. It's just a way of showing a little consideration, and maybe you'll get some back here or there. (The traffic angle doesn't work so well in las vegas, where people tend to cut me off before i can let them in anyway. I wish them well.)

It's been tough to find a balance with this belief as well. It shouldn't be confused with trying to get everyone to like you, or with dulling your personality to the degree of sweetness normally reserved for cotton candy bubble gum. It isn’t asking anything in return; we live on in the thoughts of others and may they be kind to us.

trying to be strong

2006-04-02T19:47:00.000-06:00

well well... i do believe i may have made peace with the cessation of the roadtrip. i'm getting excited about the unknown life ahead of me settling in squamish... i'd love to find work just to make it through a very simple summer. this is sort of an extension of my roadtrip, but since i'm in canada i can still work. this is a good thing, and not a bad thing. at first i was really scared that all the advancement i have made on this roadtrip would be suddenly lost and i'd be living that incredibly cushy life again in canada.

not so.

after checking my finances, i've realized that i'm almost done with the Roadtrip Reserve Funds. so i'm going to have to take whatever work i can find in squamish. my past career doesn't exist there, so i'll probably still be a climber bum of some calibre.

climbing has been going well. to put it simply, i'm trying again. i was feeling a bit discouraged and down for a bit while i sorted through the end of the roadtrip. now i'm determined to climb as hard as i can and what better place to do it but in bishop? this place has a number of different places to boulder, and each location has its own personality. i don't think i'll be doing much roped climbing here, but how happy am i to climb the overhangs at the happys?

some of my real friends from hueco have reentered my life, and i actually have a bit of a routine with who i climb with. it's amazing the people you end up seeing again. i find myself running into people that i met once a long time ago, and then there are the friends that i've made where we try to see each other again later on our respective roadtrips.

writer's block

2006-03-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

i've had a few friends visiting me for this portion of the roadtrip, and i'm not really writing that much. instead, i'm thinking a lot about the impending return to the real world, and most of my sentences trail off in to "...yeah..." if i can complete them at all. Because of my inability to string words into sentences, here are a few pictures from the last week.

oblivious to the beautiful scenery, I open two months worth of mail and think about income taxes

sitting by the fire, thinking about getting a job

one of those classic joshua tree storms rolls across the desert:

Damian on a warm-up in J-tree:

on something fun in the happy boulders, bishop

warming up on a traverse in the Druid stones, bishop

take what the road gives

2006-03-23T19:01:00.000-07:00

The morning after I picked damian up at the airport, he made me an offer no dirtbag could refuse – a coffee from starbucks. How could I resist? After I was coerced into a grande upsize, we walked back to the car to start the drive to Joshua tree. Over the last week, betsy was getting sluggish to start and this time she just wouldn’t turn over.

I couldn’t help but laugh at my luck. If the car is going to die, what better place to have it happen but with good company, a fresh coffee and in the middle of a city? “Welcome to my roadtrip.” I told damian. You just have to take what the road gives you and for his arrival, the road had given us a car that wouldn't start. I called for roadside assistance while damian retired to the patio with his coffee. When I joined him to deliver the good news that we barely had a 30 minute wait for a tow truck, I found he was chatting with a nicely dressed young man. They both inquired for a status update and the young man, named Jason, was kind enough to offer a jump start. I must admit that I was surprised… everywhere else that I’ve traveled I’ve been gracious to accept the kindness of strangers but for some reason in the big city I didn’t even want to ask anyone for help, and just called AAA right away.

I graciously accepted his offer, and he moved his car next to mine. We hooked up the jumper cables and tried to turn her over. No dice. This time it isn’t just a dead battery. After we gave up, we sat together and talked to him about the trip that I'm on and his dreams of travel. I can completely empathize with anyone who is torn between the lucrative income and possessions of the "real world" and the raw freedom that travelling provides.

Three hours later and betsy has a new starter. It was good to finally get her into a garage to have the problem looked at. It is because of this mechanical blip that the clock in the car is wrong. After having the starter replaced the clock was at least 2 hours off, and has now been that way for a week. I decided that it was a nice touch to not know exactly what time it is and have dubbed it BST – Betsy Standard Time. My car has its own time zone.

We’re driving out of Joshua Tree. I must admit I was a bit disappointed… Joshua tree was like a blind date with someone you’ve heard too much about and it just couldn’t live up to my expectations. The company was good and the climbing was fun, but I was expecting it to be a colossally spiritual place and it just didn’t affect me that way.

Here's hoping that Bishop is all that I've heard and more... I hear it's good quality bouldering surrounded by beautiful snow capped peaks. Fingers crossed that i find my inspiration there...

take it easy

2006-03-22T16:39:00.000-07:00

the spring equinox has passed, the roadtrip honeymoon is over. reality has come to take me away. i have realized that i have less than two months left to be on the road. personal obligations and finances dictate the end of my journey.
if there's one thing i detest, it's being rushed. yes i can hurry and no i'm not a slowpoke but i just don't like having to rush. all of a sudden there is a ticking clock over my head and the countdown is running. two months may seem like a long time to be on the road, but after three months i was really just getting into it. i tell myself that in all likelihood, my roadtrip will continue in BC, just with a bit of stability mixed in.
i want to be able to do another trip like this in the fall. i am so scared that i'll be one of those people who talks with sentimental tenderness about that trip they took... they've been meaning to get back out on the road, but hey it's easier said then done.
i love life on the road, and i've really enjoyed my time out here, but it isn't reality, is it?

i don't feel so free anymore. i just got the hang of drifting and floating and now i have woken up in a different location, about to go over a waterfall.
climbing is not as important anymore. it has been a key part of my journey, but is no longer my focus.
joshua tree has been an experience. the sky here is always changing, and it's awe inspiring to watch a storm roll across the desert. it wasn't quite what i was expecting, and i haven't been writing too much lately. however, i have strengthened some friendships that blossomed in hueco - people who have gone from "see you later" to "keep in touch".

i'm ready to move on. i've been here two weeks and that used to not be a long time, but i have so many locations still on my hit list. i crave time by myself again and recognize that the time for sitting in the woods all by myself is very limited. besides, i'm in the desert.

in true roadtrip spirit, though, i don't know where to head next. the coast calls to me, and i really can't believe i'm this far west already. the next stop is probably bishop, where i hope to get obsessed with climbing again.

moon over joshua tree

2006-03-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

Monday was the three month anniversary of my roadtrip. the weather was beautiful - warm with no wind. I really like it here, because of both the style of climbing and the people that i've met. to climb in joshua tree, you have to relax about grades - it's friction climbing and some people find it very challenging, call it a sandbag, and leave. The people who stay are just great

the weekend was filled with snow, so there was no climbing action. on saturday i found myself in the back of an SUV full of californians, passing a bottle of johnnie walker red and talking. Almost all of the people that i have met in joshua tree i would like to stay in touch with.

Last night was the full moon - another reason i'm in joshua tree. it was easy to convince people to go climbing, and i got a great night session in on a supposed rest day. i was very pleased with my session since i completed two problems that i found difficult on my first day here.

here i am, the only picture i have of myself climbing in joshua tree so far....

send or be left out:

max finishes up the highball classic white rastafarian by the light of the moon

i can see for miles

2006-03-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

My last day in flagstaff I wrote two words on a page of my journal: get lost. This is one of my pet peeves, and i decided to put myself through it on purpose. The sociological science experiment that i am conducting on myself continues. I spent the day driving around the city and learned to be okay with not knowing precisely where i am. I stumbled upon a few interesting stores to poke in, and I felt like I really got to know the city. I thought of little errands to run: find a cafe, and buy stickers for the car.

The morning I left flagstaff was very grey and cold. I ordered too large of a coffee at the local café and said farewell to the coolest town ever with a good quality brew. As I hit the road I felt as grey as the skies above, but as time went on I could feel the road take its hold on me again. The excitement builds as I realize that I am going to a state I’ve never been in before, via a route I didn’t spend a lot of time planning. I am going to Joshua tree.

The drive went a lot faster than I had anticipated. It's a very straight and downhill drive so i drove with my notebook on my lap, just writing down whatever came into my head. I am probably having the time of my life. I've always thought in words and full sentences, so i wrote page after page while watching the landscape tranform from plush mountain forest to scarred desert. I think about the last ten years of my life and how that on this trip I’ve really learned how to float - to be an observer and follow the currents of life.

As i drove into Joshua tree, I found that it looked nothing like I expected. It is around 4,000 feet and is a large park that encompasses many mountains. I was expecting open desert with little marble-like granite boulders scattered to and fro. This place is huge.

I drove around the campground and was happy to see cars that belonged to some friends I made in hueco. I’ve emerged from my time alone in the woods and I’m ready to be social again. We had a great reunion, but I still passed up their offer to go climbing that afternoon. Instead I drove into town, sort of to get my bearings. I ran some contrived errands and realized that I was in a mild form of shock – shock at having finally made it to Joshua tree. I have been trying to make it here for three years, and now here i am just driving around like it's just another day. As I drove back into the park, I realized something: I’m coming home to Joshua tree. I have finally made it here, I have traded the forest of trees for one of rocks. This place has such an energy and I can’t believe I finally made it.

out of control

2006-03-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

so the weather forecast was right. i bouldered as much as i could yesterday while the clouds rolled in. at first they were beautiful fluffy clouds and the gradually they got darker, denser and a tad bit menacing.
i bouldered with the other two guys camping at the draw who are in various stages of roadtripping. they were both great spirits and i was really comfortable with them. I was in good company: nice climbers, ancient trees, and overhanging rock.
i drove into town as planned to use the internet and phone. my phone card ran out of minutes, and the internet cafes were closed. the snow was really flying as i drove back out to the campsite.

I wasn't sure what to do. Both guys had moved on due to the weather and i was bracing myself for another night in my car. i made a peanut butter sandwich, and a decision. i'm going to stick it out in the storm. i crammed as much as i could into the car (still leaving room for a sleeping jessica) and covered the other things with a tarp. time to ride out the storm.

i got in the car just in time, the rain was getting pretty heavy. i was treated to a thunder and lightning storm as well and my already overactive imagination went into overdrive. what about ferocious forest beasts? forest drifters that like to kill dirtbag drifters? in a lightning storm are you supposed to be in the car or out of the car? i decided that in the car was the better option but that this was not the time to go hug some trees on the top of an exposed mountain. what if lightening strikes a tree and it hits my car?

again on my trip i am learning to rescind control of life. i really just have to ride the waves, and i'm getting used to letting go of life. there's only so much you can control and i can certainly control how i feel. i tell myself that i feel fine about sleeping out in the storm, and then also realize that at some point on this trip i have discarded my fear of the dark.

my night of sleep, the third spent in my car is a lot less comfortable then it has been. i crawl into my sleeping bag and cover myself with the purple and pink comforter that i bought in tennessee. it's my uber-female comfort blankie. i think i parked on a bit of an angle, and i keep waking up. At first i wake up and it's bright, i look up and out the windshield and i am treated to a clear break in the clouds revealing the moon above. full moon is in less than a week, and it's getting pretty bright at night these days. the next time i wake up, i see that the windows on the car are frosting up. too much moisture. i roll down the window a bit more and go back to sleep. i wake up again and it's after the moon has set so it's really dark. i see that the car is surrounded by a dense fog like cloud. nice, i'll barely be able to see my way out of here in the morning. back to sleep. i woke up again and this time it's bright out. sun's up! i toss the blanket off my head and see that it wasn't fog at night, nor are the windows frosted.

snow.

i'm so happy. i am canadian after all, and i've missed the snow. i was secretly hoping that this would happen when i visited flag. i've been snowed out. i pack everything into the car and drive. Where? I'll figure it out as i go.

tree hugger

2006-03-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

I’m so happy for the change of scenery and a return to the woods. I’m at the highest elevation so far on the trip – 7,000 feet in Flagstaff, Arizona. When I was driving up here last night it took me a while to realize why it felt so cozy - i'm around trees again.

I met up with a friend I haven’t seen in a few years. I met her just after she started climbing at the age of 12. she’s a woman now, enrolled in university and living on her own. It’s great to be able to talk with her as an adult, about adult things. It’s a new stage of my life that I can be friends with someone a decade younger than me who is now an adult. We went to the gear shops and tried on hats and jackets. It’s great to have a girlfriend to talk to now. In hueco it was mostly guys and generally speaking once they realize that they may be unable to bed you, they seem to disappear. It’s tough to make friends under those circumstances.

She showed me around Flagstaff today, and then around the climbing area, Priest Draw. I really like the climbing here. Besides being in the forest, it’s also my all-time favourite climbing style: overhanging pockets. We worked on a few problems and I can feel that my dynamic ability is much stronger since hueco. The first challenge of a new climbing area is to trust your feet. I have gone through this at every new bouldering destination and she showed me enough that I can work on a few things tomorrow on my own.

I have a neighbour tonight. He’s just started his six month road trip, it’s his first time camping after having friends to crash with for the first two weeks of travel. I must say that I admire his choice in location. We are miles into a national forest, completely unserviced. No running water, no outhouse. I have also reached a new level of dirtbagging. I’m hooked on sleeping in my car now, and refuse to pitch the tent only for a few nights. Now that I’ve come to terms with living in my car, I may as well adopt it as my proper address. I’ve gotten the hang of moving things around in it so I can stretch out as much as possible.

It’s great to be cold again. The temperatures in el paso hit summer status to me – highs around 28C. I just feel like it’s too early in the year to be tanned. i’ve retreated high into the mountains for another reason too. I’m taking a small leave of absence from people. It’s time for some mental training. I’m going to try to use up the food I have with me and go for some long walks in the woods.

I traveled up here in good spirits last night. The two guys I met up with in phoenix yesterday were definitely cool and laid back and just treated me like just another human being. This was great after being in hueco and surrounded by the young party scene. They took me on some trad SLAB multipitch just outside of phoenix. It was interesting to switch from bouldering to trad and I really enjoyed myself. I took every opportunity I could to hand or fist jam since I am probably on my way to Joshua Tree next. I left their company in a really good mood - it's good to make new friends on this trip and they were just really good people, plain and simple.

After being in hueco, I need a break from the crowds. In the woods I have a degree of privacy, I can go running on the trails and I’m on my own. Hueco was more serious about climbing than I like to be, and more laid back about life then I like to be. Having to be so organized to climb, planning your time with reservations months in advance and then the lifestyle of partying at night just really went against the way I am.

I’m in the woods at 7,000 feet for some mental training. I like to be cold and I missed that about Tennessee. The desert is great and when I descend from the mountain range I’ll post some pictures of cacti and desert life, but for now I am surrounded by ancient trees. There’s something about being in the forest that makes you feel like you’re never alone. In hueco I was never alone as well, but this is different company. I always have a bit of a smile since it’s the same feeling I had in Tennessee, the feeling of being at one with the earth. Since I’m at a higher elevation, I have swapped back the sports bra and shorts for the fleece pants and down jacket. When it’s cold out I feel like I am getting stronger, physically and mentally. Bring it on.

life is long

2006-03-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

I’m not as impressed by Arizona as I thought I would be. I’m always suspicious when a state lacks welcome centers at the border. In the cafe in Tucson I heard from my contact in phoenix about plans to climb the next day. I look up directions to the climbing area he mentioned and see that there is some unserviced camping in the campground there. I also make notes about two state parks on the way there, and hit the road. I stop at first state park around my usual bedtime, but it’s so close to the interstate that I can count the taillights and hear the cars go by. It’s time to push on. I reach Phoenix and fatigue hits - my coffee has worn off all the way. I’m driving by any optimal exit, looking for exit names that don’t exist. Eventually I get my bearings after pulling over a number of times to check the map.

The park’s website said that the gate closes at 10pm, so when I finally arrive, I’m relieved to see that it’s still open. I drive into the campground and see a sign is up at the entrance: Campground Full. It can't be. I drive around looking for the unserviced $5 camping I read about online to no avail. I find a pay phone to call my contact in phoenix and as I pick up the receiver, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say. Am I asking for a place to stay? Asking for advice? Just calling for some sympathy about the campground being full? What do you say when you call a person you that you don’t really know? I dial but change my mind and quickly hang up to retrieve my change. I can't ask for help - not yet.

I drive back to the campground and pull up by the host trailer to look at the map on the bulletin board, again seeking the unserviced camping I read about online. A small older lady appears and asks me if I need assistance. I apologize for bothering her, and apologize again for my state of mind, explaining that I’ve been on the road for a bit and may not make much sense. “I’m looking for the unserviced camping I read about online.” She tells me that there is no unserviced camping, it's an RV park and that I must have read about the $5 per person unserviced group camping. I’m not a group, so no dice.

I tell her I can't afford the $18 and excuse myself to go elsewhere. She hesitates and then asks if I’m staying for just one night. I hope I know where this is going, so I tell her that I’m meeting people to go rock climbing in the morning and I promise to leave very early. “Are you sleeping in your car?” She asks, and then adds, “you wouldn't want to pitch a tent in the dark.” I have been on the road for almost 3 months and never slept in my car. It looks like now is the time. Yes, yes, I tell her, I can sleep in my car. I’m more than happy to sleep in my car. I would love to sleep in my car. I would love to sleep. She tells me she'll show me a site I can park on. Do I understand her properly? Is she saying I can stay there?

I move things around in the car to give her a spot in the front seat and she takes me to the site. I’m so grateful (and tired) that I can barely begin to express myself. She tells me that I’m welcome to park on this site and then shows me the power and water hookups in case I need them. All I can do is keep saying thank you.

We introduce ourselves, her name is Sara. I tell her what I tell every Sara I meet: that was my name when I was in the womb, but my brothers all have names that start with J so they vetoed Sara and instead Jessica was chosen. Sara says that she wants to tell me something she told her husband earlier. She prefaces it by saying “I’m not a religious person, but,” and then goes on to tell me that there were people on this site, but they left earlier that day. She told her husband that this must have happened for a reason. The site had been paid for and she wasn’t surprised when I showed up in need of it.

I wake up literally at the crack of dawn, and watch the sun rise above the mountains. I’m rested, but cramped from sleeping in the car. There is an art to it, and if I try to curl up on my side like I’m accustomed to sleeping, the leg I’m resting on falls asleep. By the early morning hours I figured out how to remain as stretched out as possible, and still sleep.

I pack up quickly so I can drive to the picnic area, and vacate my campsite as early as possible like I promised Sara. While I’m rearranging my earthly possessions back into the car, it hits me. I really do live in my car now. No fixed address has turned from an offhand remark to a reality. While I’m driving to the picnic spot, all I can think is "what am I doing?" I have no idea where I’m going to sleep tonight, and it will probably be in my car again. I live in my car, I’m meeting up with strangers to climb today, I don’t know where I’m going, and I’m not even sure what I’m doing at this point. It feels like I’ve put my emotions in a blender and set it to “chop.” I have to get control of myself before it progresses to “puree.” I’ve come this far, and I’m meeting new people today. I can’t expect to foster any sort of friendship while I’m in such a weak state of mind.

I flashback to a conversation I had before I left Canada. it was with a girl that had traveled by herself a number of times. I asked her for any sort of advice and she told me that there will be times where you just have to believe that things will be okay. The universe will take care of you. I remembered this advice at just the right time and I can feel myself calm down. Things like what happened with Sara the night before really help me to believe in people, and believe that things will be okay. I chose to remove myself from society, to leave my stable job, and live on the road. There’s no need for surprise at my circumstances now, since this is the path I chose. I accept the advice I was given and I will myself to believe things will be okay. I start to get excited again about being on my own, and the people that I’m going to meet today.

Just believe, and just be.

advancement day

2006-03-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

i awoke just before sunrise and i did two more hot springs dunks before leaving to hit the road again. this time i'm well rested and the feeling of freedom is pure exhilaration. i love watching the scenery go by, and in the desert it's a full 360 degree view, with the horizon trimmed by distant mountains. nudity is really quite liberating, and i feel so light after soaking in the hot springs.

i reach the fork in the road that says el paso. i can feel the gravitational pull of hueco tanks. it's really only a couple hours away. but no. i'm on this trip to be on my own, and on my own today i certainly shall be. next stop, an internet cafe in tucson, arizona.

my great uncle bill, an amazing person with a great sense of humour, always called march fourth "advancement day". get it? march 4th... march fourth... march forth. ha. ha. but i always remember his joke on march 4th and today is certainly an advancement day. i'm a map fiend but yesterday i drove off the edge of the only map of the USA that i owned. i feel even more free and am further released from any navigational ties when arizona does not have a welcome centre on the border. for the first time on my trip i don't have my location pinpointed on a map next to me. i'm driving all alone with nowhere to be.

i need a certain amount of drama in my life to be inspired, and i'm overflowing with inspiration now. i can't stop writing. thoughts flow while i drive, and not talking to anyone means that my thought patterns are never interrupted. i can't believe it. i used to lie in bed awake at night wishing i could get up the courage to do my solo roadtrip, preferably with betsy. i wanted to drive her across the southwest states by myself, and since she's such an old car, time was of the essence. i can't believe i'm doing it now.

traverse the desert, dodging tumbleweed, girl, you really did it.

to pass the time i made up some bad roadtrip haiku. enjoy.

camera on lap
eddie poses and says cheese
the mountains go on

music is so loud
mountains on horizon tell
me where should i go

the author does not endorse or support the act of writing while driving. Keep your eyes on the road, for the love of god!

all she wants to do is drive

2006-03-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

on the road again, i have released myself from the grasp of hueco tanks. it was so difficult to leave and i think it hit me when i counted back in my calendar and realized i had been there for a month. time to go.

though most of the time i was lost in the crowds, i did make some good friends during my stay. the people i met all seemed to arrive at the point where it was time to leave, but this time it was i who had to leave. i didn't even really feel like climbing another day and was starting to feel lazy. lazy and happy to hang out, which doesn't make me feel very good about myself. it was time to move on. when i packed up the car almost everyone had gone climbing so i didn't get to say good-bye to too many people. i feel a bit bad about that, but they're also on the road so i hope they understand and perhaps we shall cross paths again.

leaving was tough to do, and i miss hueco. i was there long enough that the place felt a bit like a home to me - as close to a home as you can get when living out of your car on the road. it's like i've started my roadtrip all over again and while driving i feel a bit melancholy about the whole thing.

so i did the only thing feasible. i got naked.

i got to say good bye to one friend and talked with him about my departure. when he asked me where i was going to go, i just said that i was going to go look for a state park to visit and camp by myself, in search of solitude. he suggested city of rocks in new mexico. i was determined to make it to arizona, but when i reached the new mexico border (13th state visited on this trip i think... i've lost count or don't care to count anymore) i stopped at the welcome centre and picked up a few travel brochures.

i found that the city of rocks state park was just a mile away from the hotsprings i had wanted to visit. earlier in the week i did a search online and found hotsprings with camping. then i stayed an extra day hoping to visit them on a rest day with others, but of course everyone had stuff to do. now the fact that they showed up on the map down the street from the state park my friend had mentioned, i couldn't resist. besides, the speed limit here is 75 which is about 120 kilometres an hour. betsy doesn't really like to go over 60mph so the drive is a bit longer than mapquest thought it would be.

first time on this trip that i've camped in a location without arriving with a friend or expecting to meet a friend.

i've soaked in the hot springs twice tonight and everyone here is so relaxed and chilled out. i was hoping it wasn't going to be a swingers nudist colony, and if there's any of that i surely haven't seen it. my favourite pools were 106F and 103F. i can feel my worries slipping away as i soak, and a sense of calm comes over me. i haven't been to hot springs very much in my life, and i've never been by myself. now i understand why everyone here is so relaxed. i sat in the pool watching the stars and tracking my favourite constellations. it's a great first day back on the road. i think i'm going to stay on my own a bit longer.

here are a few pictures of some of the friends i made in hueco.

brena from california reaching the top out on one of the small potatoes boulders

laura from texas working on mushroom roof

yuri of colorado cruises through "hercules" at the icarus boulders

raphael from quebec working the start on the daily dictose

rachel of texas finishes the direct face problem on the warm up boulder

dustin from new orleans cranks through babyface - taylor spots

matt from north vancouver topping out the scary highball on double vision boulder

quit hueco, hit road

2006-03-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

i'm making a break for it. i woke up early to hit the line up and didn't make it in the gate at 8am. i just don't feel like hanging out again today, so i'm going to drive.
packing up the car now and feeling good about the decision. tomorrow is my one month anniversary here, i have no idea how i lost track of time and thought it was just a few weeks. time flies when you're on the road.

a day in the life of

2006-02-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

today is a multi-post day... scroll further down to find the first one.

well, the day turned out well. i stayed on easy stuff to warm up and did 9 problems in an hour to warm up. then i went over to do some roof warm-up laps on nobody gets out of here alive.

i ran into some friends that i've made here... really the only people close to friends that i've got left in the campsite. it was a great day with a lot of laughter and some good problems. i got on a few things that were brand new to me, including the classic "ghetto simulator" which is a very long boulder problem, people joke that it's a route. it was great because i got it on my second try. the first try i felt exposed and dropped off at the beginning. maybe my endurance will be half decent on routes anyway?

it was amazingly hot out, and i got a buddy to take a picture of me as i was seeking out the only shade i could find. i've spent a lot of time on this roadtrip under rocks, but usually it's because i'm climbing them instead of hiding under them.

i got on my project eventually, but it was the end of the day when we made it there. i don't take projecting all that seriously anyway, and more importantly, i think a few of us are going out for dinner. i made a small amount in tips bartending at the rock rodeo, and i'd like to put it towards a dinner.

overall i completed 18 problems, and stuck the next move on the semi-project. it was a great day! i may stay in hueco another few days if i can climb without having to wait in line.

game on

2006-02-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

today is a multi-post day... scroll further down to find the first one.

holy crap it can't be possible. as i drove over to the park this morning, i was shocked to see there was no line up. as i drove through the gate (without having to slow down or stop) i wept tears of joy. a little dramatic perhaps, but it's been intensely frustrating to be held back from climbing. i'm in the far side of the park right now, and i'm going to do a lot of problems to warm up since i have the time.

let the games begin.

brush your teeth

2006-02-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

today is a multi-post day... scroll further down to find the first one.
wow what a great morning so far. the cereal is a bit gross since it sat out for over 20 minutes in the sun. love to shoo flies off my food before i eat.
i am so pumped to climb. my earlier post was a bit cut off since i had to pee so badly. here in the desert there is no "pee tree" to run behind when nature calls. the guys just walk off a distance and stand with their back turned, but as a woman i am screwed for peeing in the desert. no matter how far i walk off, it doesn't really matter. the outhouses are disgusting, they aren't changed very often and now after the rock rodeo, they are FULL. it's a disgusting topic, i know, but it does give you something to chat about with the neighbours. everyone's always discussing the current state of the outhouse, and it's a real intimacy to discuss your current comfort level of defecation in the facilities with a total stranger.

another cool thing today is wearing my headphones. it gives me an excuse to retreat inside myself even though there are other people around. no need for chitchat, all you can do is wave. i think i may be on to something. i just copied some of my favourite upbeat music to my mp3 player. today's soundtrack will be daft punk's homework, sasha's fundacion and involver
today is supposed to hit 27C, sort of a heat wave. let's go climb.

desert girl

2006-02-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

today, to celebrate the New Moon, (and the fact that i'll be leaving the free wi-fi in the tent part of my journey soon) today is a multi-post day. let's follow my progress.

i slept really well, asleep by 10pm and up before 7am. i feel great and i slept well. the coffee's good, i've switched to putting vanilla soymilk in my coffee instead of the whole milk i was indulging in before. i've gained weight here at hueco, what with the social time snacks and the liquor? sharing a bottle of wine with someone can quickly gain you a friend and in most cases it's worth it. i've made a few friends on this trip that i really hope to see again. it's nice to occasionally "click" with someone, and it actually makes the trip go by faster.
i wonder who i'll climb with today. i have a reservation from a girl who just left, but i don't have the number. if i don't have the number, they can refuse me entry at the gate, so i'm intensely suspicious about today's events. i feel so zen. i just sat in the sun and stretched. i've discovered that i'm a bit of a sun worshipper, and today is clear blue sky. the sky is huge down here, and there have been few clouds lately. it's quite amazing to lie on your back on the ground and all you see is blue. blue in your peripheral vision, and blue straight ahead. i like the desert.
i'm celebrating hueco, but it's definitely time to move on. the girl who gave me the reservation was leaving this morning. she thought maybe she'd be here a few more days, but she woke up today and the time was right. that's what i'm waiting for right now, i can sense that it's almost time to move on.
this freedom thing is great, and it just messes up the whole thing when you have to sit in line to get to the rock. you can see it from the gate, and it's just like sitting next to a bowl of ice cream that you're not allowed to eat. hopefully hueco doesn't melt while we're stuck waiting.

i worked out while facing the sun today. i feel like i'm charging my solar batteries, and i really concentrated on waking up my core muscles, since i need them so badly to climb here. i think i'll visit my project today. sent a wake up call to my muscles.

so, the coffee is good and i have a great power cereal mixed up. it's dried cranberries, bran and oat cereal, wheat puffs and a bit of the expensive organic stuff. i throw a bit of strawberry jam in to kill the fiber flavour. apparently though, my body didn't want it since i mixed up the cereal and then came to the tent without it. body say it want coffee only now. me listen to body.

i feel proud today. my confidence is up. i need to eat well and exercise a lot to feel good about myself, and i just don't feel that i've been that active in hueco. the bouldering really wears you out and rest is a must. resting is really boring.

i can't wait to climb! i'm going to go get ready.

unrequited love for hueco

2006-02-27T18:06:00.000-07:00

well, i waited in line at the gate today for four hours before finally giving up and coming back to the campsite.
not everyone has to wait in line, if you have money you can book a commercial tour and you're guaranteed entry to the park. so basically like so many other places and circumstances in the world, those with money fare better.
second choice is to make a reservation. they're four dollars per person and have to be made via a long distance phone call to the parks bureau in houston. when i arrived in hueco three weeks ago, every day was booked in february. when you're waiting at the gate you're hoping for a reservation to be cancelled so you can get in. reservations are held until 12 noon, and then are processed as "no-shows". then people from the line up are let in.

when i arrived in line today there were six cars and i knew each and every person there. i think that fact alone shows that i've been here a while. five cars had been let in between 8am and 10:30am and the guy at the front of the line, who arrived at 6:30am, finally got in just before noon.

i blame the lineup for my shakey results with climbing. when i want to climb i want to be excited about it and just get on the rock. sitting around on my crashpad on the road is not comparable to climbing. i've met some good people and made some friends in line, but sitting around is not why i went on this trip.

i've sandpapered my fingertips and may have a lead on getting in on someone's reservation tomorrow. otherwise it's back to the line up...

turn down the noise

2006-02-27T08:41:00.000-07:00

i do believe it's time to move on from hueco.

no hard feelings, but i've been here over three weeks, which has been my average time spent in any one destination so far. i'm going to go climbing today and see how it feels. the last week was not my best... i spent more time waiting in line to go climbing, then actually being on the rock.

volunteering for the rock rodeo was an interesting experience. what did i want out of it? a) to be part of the local climbing community; b) an activity to focus on so i wouldn't obsess about climbing; c) some light work experience that i could mention in a future job interview; d) free admission.

Well, it was a lot more work than i had expected. some extra responsibilities were dropped on me at the last minute, and it was a lot of work. i haven't worked that hard since i had a job and was dealing with unrealistic deadlines. it reminded me why work isn't all that fun, and that sometimes i can take on a bit more than i can handle. i think it was because i'm a "little person" here so i had no clout in reassigning responsibilties. a couple people just responded "yeah right" when i asked for help. but the people that did help out were really great, and overall it was quite a rush to be that busy, but i've barely climbed in the past 4 days, and i feel like i haven't climbed at all the past week.

nevermind working registration, i got to bartend at night! that was a LOT of fun. unfortunately even though i tried to pace myself with my own drinking, i ended up getting a tad bit inebriated. working the bar i got to experience firsthand the beer goggles on men, combined with the blabbermouth effect of liquor. survey says that after three beers i appear "gorgeous" and "hot". nothing you can take seriously from a bunch of drunk guys when you're one of the few girls at the event, but it was fun. i even made a small amount in tips (same men, same beer goggles).

another reason i wanted to volunteer was so i could have a chance to interact with people. a set purpose. hi there, i'll register you, hi there i'll serve you drinks. without a purpose, i'd just be on my own saying "hi there" and then nothing.

oh yes, so i ended up drinking a bit too much. i could swear i didn't drink that much, but since i can't really afford alcohol i don't drink too often and my tolerance is a lot lower. combine that with barely eating anything the past couple days since i couldn't leave the registration desk, and i missed the entire party. i hear that the bonfire was great, and the band was good. all i did was serve drinks, and then go to my tent to sleep.

i haven't been that messed up since i was overdrinking as a teenager. i'm not proud of myself and i think that i've been regressing a bit here at hueco. i'm not a party girl per se, but this environment is a lot of party all the time. i'd like to move on and have a bit of time to myself. this trip can't be all personal growth moments, but at hueco i'm not really improving myself as a person. it's also frustrating to climb since you could spend 4 hours of the day in line up to get into the park instead of just being able to say "hey i'm ready to climb" and then go hit the rock.

i'll be here for less than a week, and i'm looking forward to picking my next destination. the weather is turning into what we canadians would call "summer" and it's going to be really hot this week. it's early morning and i'm already in a tank top. i'll leave for the crag in an hour or so, and judging from today's climbing results, i'll decide how much longer i'll be here.

eureka

2006-02-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

i do believe i may have figured out what it takes for me to climb here at hueco.

i took a rest day on tuesday and just focused on stretching and relaxing. any muscles that hurt got some attention with a lot of stretching and workout. i figure that if the muscle hurts, it isn't strong enough, and my theory seems to have worked out since i'm not so sore anymore. stretching is great. i went to bed early to get a good night's sleep and i got myself really worked up to climb again.

wednesday i woke up excited to climb again but then things got a little bit frustrating... the reservation someone gave to me wasn't valid and i had to wait at the gate until 12:30 before getting into the park. at first i thought i wouldn't even be able to focus my energy on climbing, but i chilled out and did some laps on one of my favourite problems in the park - nobody gets out of here alive. it's a roof problem that transitions into slab and it was a really exciting experience to work through the problem without a spotter. i've been scared when climbing here in the past and i needed to get over that. i had to totally believe in my abilities and it really helped me to focus my energy.

i met up with some canadian boys and climbed with them for the rest of the day. i had a great time! i pushed as hard as i could, and climbing was a total out of body experience. as always i tried problems that were a few V-grades harder than i have ever completed, but i got a lot further on them. it was like watching myself climb, completely detached from pride or ego, instead of being so involved in the experience. when i felt a bit of doubt, i worked through the move anyway and a number of times i really surprised myself when i held on. there was a great energy in the group and i had a really great time.

i also got to see a new-to-me area in the park and there are even more really great problems. i'm excited to go back and try harder on them! at the end of the climbing day we went to an area that i haven't returned to since my first day here. the problem is called "sign of the cross" and i had a lot of trouble on it my first day here. the crimpers are sharp, and there's a bit of a toss at the top that i was too scared of. after that it gets a bit tall and i just couldn't do it on my first day.

i sent the problem on my first try yesterday, and it felt great. i've finally had a breakthrough with hueco tanks climbing, and i'm not going anywhere soon. i'm making lots of friends and really enjoying the atmosphere here now. the rock rodeo is coming up this weekend and i'm looking forward to it.

fun in the desert!

adam on babyface (that's the sixth or seventh adam i've met now, but he's from nova scotia and we went to the same high school, so that's okay)

me working on "the mexican chicken" - this is one of the moves that i surprised myself when i held on

raphael working through the start on babyface (big move to small hold)

adam on "the mexican chicken"

freebird

2006-02-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

wow, my blog has now gotten 1,000 hits since i started the counter the day before my trip. that's pretty cool and i wonder who was the thousandth. i dropped by around 996 and then left it alone for a day. haven't checked yet today, but certainly will take note when i post this up. i was feeling pretty good about things so i headed straight for the slackline for a good dose of humility. damn that thing is hard. i still can't get on it without holding someone's hand.

monday was a fun day of climbing. i got up at 6:45 when the sun hit my tent (instant sauna-like feel) and was at the gate by 7:30. or should i say ... in line at 7:30. i was the seventh car there, since so many people have camper vans and just sleep at the gate. it took four hours in line to get into the park - i don't have any reservations so i'm blessed with lining up, or asking around for people to give me their spare reservations.

i kept myself on easy problems on monday and it felt really good to finish things. i went for quantity of routes completed instead of difficulty. of course, since i'm stubborn and sometimes not all that bright, i threw myself at a couple problems that were a few V-grades harder than anything i've finished before. can't hurt to try. or can it? i worked a lot of crimpers on monday - that seems to be the speciality here - and seem to have tweaked a pully in my pinky finger. so i took another rest day yesterday. i think i need to focus more on recovery than climbing right now. my tips are getting a bit scary looking... i'm not sure if i have callouses, which are good, or just pre-flapper material, which is bad.

things are going well with the rock rodeo - i'm in charge of registration for the event, but unfortunately i also get to work in the little camp store in order to pay for my camping. i got all excited, dreaming up an electronic solution to track registration - thinking of having it all in a database instead of just a paper sheet people sign in on... but really i'd much rather write these days instead of doing anything technical. i'm really losing interest in the techy side of things, though yesterday i did feel a glimmer of excitement.

so i'll be heading to the park soon... i'm taking my time today since i hate to rush. no goals or expectations today

up down, turn around

2006-02-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

this is another one of those times when i'm analyzing the solo roadtrip. i'm analytical by nature, and this is something else worth figuring out.

i appreciate more and more having friends around. observing the community here at hueco has really been interesting - observing human behaviour and interactions. our friends are our buffer from the world, and if they're good friends, we should feel safe in their company.

i'm all over the place with my feelings here. for starters, constantly meeting people gets quite exhausting. i retreat to my tent, but then sometimes i get bored and just wish someone would come over and ask if i want to do something. i don't really know anyone that well. i met a really cool couple from vancouver and was blessed with friends for a week - a temporary buffer from the world but now i'm on my own again.

Humourous Attempt at Being Social #1
last week i tried slacklining... there were a number of people around and i bit the bullet, put my pride aside and my ego on hold. one of the taller guys held my hand and explained how to get on the slackline. i tried my bestest and laughed my way through a few steps on the line. i must have been going in slow motion, because when i biffed (new hueco vocab) off the line, the crowd of people were gone. honestly, just two people remained besides me. oh dear. so i haven't tried the slackline again, but will get up the courage sometime again. actually, i think instead i'll wait for a good day when i send something and need to be humbled. ah yes, i can rely on slacklining for a good dose of humility.

this morning a potential friend made an effort to be nice to me and invited me over for coffee in the morning. he runs with the locals here and i must admit i'm really intimidated by the group. i try not to be, but remember that i have no friend shelter. i have to sit in the group all on my own, and if i'm not feeling like being top notch entertainment, i'm pretty quiet. i made an offhand remark to him about how no one really talked to me the other night when he invited me over for dinner and the strong regulars were there and he told me what i needed to hear. he looked at me, cocked his head slightly and said "well half the time i don't even think you like me." oh dear. he's got a point. meeting people is one thing, but i need to remember that this is the desert... there are no trees, there is no screen or shelter so we're all in each other's space, essentially. i need to make a conscious effort to say hi to people when i see them, instead of just retreating into my shell. it's just strange to always be on my own... i can't always expect other people to take the initiative to get to know me.

so i gave some thought to what my potential friend said this morning. somehow i manage to occasionally come across as unfriendly. well, i can't fake excitement for every person every time i see them, and i'm solar powered so i have trouble being chipper when it's cold and dreary. or maybe i'm using that as an excuse and just like to feel sorry for myself every so often?

Humourous Attempt at Being Social #2
i went to the barn and decided to be social with the few people there. one of the guys was fixing the fooz ball table - another sport i've never tried so i figured that, like slacklining, i should suck up the courage to try it out. i explained that i had never played before and he explained the basics to me. we played and i lost terribly, of course. it's kind of like when i tried slacklining, only without the bizarre crowd vanishing action. so the two other people jumped in to play doubles, and the guy who made up the other half of my team had been watching the entire painful ordeal that was the previous game. oh yeah, he was a great partner, taking the game so seriously, shouting "stupid goalie" when i allowed a goal, and chastising me on my technique.
i almost made a comment about how it was good that this interchange happened just before he was leaving since now we wouldn't have to worry about a friendship blossoming, but i remembered about trying to be nice and bit my tongue.

the bottom line is that i'm by myself and relying on other people for my happiness, confidence and self esteem is completely unrealistic. being on my own, the only thing that matters is what i think of myself. if i'm withdrawn and lack confidence, people will react to me in the same way. they really only react to the image that you project.

my next attempt at being social will hopefully be a bit less on the slapstick humour side. the hueco rock rodeo is here next weekend - it's a big climber gathering and comp from what i can gather. i'm not quite ready to leave this place, but i would never go out of my way to attend a large gathering of people i don't know. this is a great opportunity to get involved in the community, so i've volunteered to help out. if it's just something like sitting at the registration desk signing people in, that would be fine; but it would be great to have a more active role.

maybe i just need my mind to focus on something so i can stop worrying about my performance in climbing.

sunshine and lollipops

2006-02-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

we were blessed with a sandstorm last night. i slept with earplugs in since there were a few rowdy groups of inebriated climbers that threatened my sleep. i'm still in shock at the state of the campsite. absolutely everything that i left on the picnic table was on the ground buried in sand. it's just strange since normally winds this violent are part of the weather forecast, so i've been prepared for them in the past. i wasn't able to caffeinate myself fast enough today since i had to scrape the sand out of my coffee press and water boiling pot before i could even start the holy process of coffee brewing.

there is a very fine sand everywhere. my tent is a four season high quality one from mec, but i think it's designed more to keep snow out instead of sand. trying to do up the zippers on the fly or body pump out my already fatigued from two days on climber arms.

sand is just a fact of life when you're living in the desert. i call it Vitamin S since it's mixed into all food and drink by default. it's the bonus ingredient in everything you cook. when i wake up i can smell it and taste it.

i may climb today, but it will be my third day on. i'm being hard on myself since the bakery at the local market appears to be my kryptonite. they have these little chocolate muffins which are more of a devil's food cake consistency... spending even $2 there one can load up on all sorts of delectable goodies. my climbing has been hit or miss lately and i need something to blame it on. i'm blaming the sweets. i'm trying to exercise some self control to not go to the market. this plan is backfiring since i'm slowly running out of groceries. jessica cannot live on soymilk alone.

i'm doing some sleuthing since i really can't figure out how to reach my peak performance on the climbing here. i feel strong and then watch myself let go. there always seems to be something in the way and i really need to learn how to clear my mind and just focus focus on the moves. i've been out with tours lately, and that gives me the excuse that having to climb with 10 people makes it difficult to take a turn. otherwise i feel too cold (in the shade) or the holds are too warm (in the sun). excuses excuses. today will be my third day on which is probably kind of stupid since my tips are fried. fried, shredded, and somewhat scary in appearance. but no, i'm stubborn and i'm going to keep on climbing until i can figure out how to rock the casbah on the rock here.

to the innocent bystander, it may appear that being on a roadtrip solely to climb is all sunshine and lollipops. most of the time it's pure 100% unadulterated fun, but it's tough not to take climbing seriously when it's really all i have to do. this is my career right now, and my results are inconsistent. it feels like i'm constently on problems that highlight my weaknesses - a few powerful moves on small holds to a big throw. i can't seem to learn how to throw if it's on a vertical plane. give me overhangs or give me death!

it may sound like i'm being hard on myself but really i think most of us climb for the constant challenge. i'm not going to run around on easy problems all day just for the feeling of finishing something. some days i only finish 2 of the 10 problems i attempt. it just feels like there's some secret to unlock my abilities in climbing. it's a constant struggle for most of us - always pushing our limits and trying to learn new moves so they may be added to our repertoire.

so i'm going climbing again today even though it's my third day on. i tell myself that i'll just tape up my raw fingertips and play on easy stuff... but i know i'll be hurling myself full force at the first tricky problem i encounter. there must be a secret to climbing and i'm determined to find it. is it my diet? how well i sleep? do i need to be freshly showered with my hair done? is it something i wear? is it all confidence related?

well, i've got to get to work. the rock is calling me and i must go earn my rest day tomorrow. and maybe a chocolate muffin..

happy anniversary

2006-02-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

i was so happy to watch the full moon rise on this, the two month anniversary of my roadtrip. two months has really flown by and i think i can put in another two months no problem.

i woke up with the sunrise, excited to celebrate my anniversary, and then also scored a reservation so i could get into the park without lining up. i then talked to a few people and got an invitation to climb in an area i've never been before. i drove to the park by myself, but feeling pretty great. i signed in, and then as part of my continuing celebration, loaded my chalk pot with an entire brick of chalk. it was then that i realized i had forgotten my lunch, so i tossed everything back in the car and drove all the way back out of the park and to camp to retrieve my pre-packed lunch.

after all that, i wasn't going to allow myself to have a bad day. yesterday was as stressful as a day off on the road as a completely free spirit could be. betsy's been having trouble starting lately - for some reason the battery wasn't keeping a charge. i bought a new alternator and got some "help" from a passer-by to swap it out. but then the old alternator tested okay, so i ended up returning it and calling CAA to come and put betsy back together. she started like a charm, after three hours of being taken apart. still no idea what could be the problem.

i also got to go out for dinner with a crew of nice folks from the campground. there's such a ridiculous hierarchy here, and i'm up a step for having been here over a week. bottom feeder no more!

so anyway, after such a stressful dirtbag day yesterday, today was bound to be good. when i woke up the birds were singing and they tied my hair back with ribbons as i brewed my coffee. i was ready to climb.

i had a nice relaxing warmup and followed my new group of people to follow to the new meadows, where i got on lobster claw, a problem i have heard so much about. i had some trouble grabbing the crux hold in the proper manner - i kept pinching it instead of crimping it - and finally got the send. it felt great! after that i hung out in the sun, just happy to be here, and then worked on a few other problems that were also a lot of fun.

all in all it's great to be on the road. i realized this week that this is the first time in my roadtrip that i have no where to be at anytime, and no set time to leave. in the past i 've had people to pick up or drop off at airports that really controlled my agenda. if i feel like packing up tomorrow i can. if i want to stay a month, i can do that too. hueco tanks is a great place to be, and as long as betsy behaves, i can afford to stay here for a while.

*** the signal here is good, but the bandwidth is not so great. pictures to be added to this later.

super famous climber people

2006-02-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

well, i am all on my own on this trip again, having dropped john off at the airport last night.

i thought i had a lead on a reservation to get into the park, but it fell through. i went to line up at the gate and found out that the people just in front of me had already been waiting for 2 hours. at the front of the line they had been there for nearly four hours. a volunteer tour opened up and some spots were available. this is where it's good to be travelling by myself: the cars in front of me were all groups waiting to get in together. i grabbed the last spot on the tour.

it was a really crazy group and i can't say i got a lot of climbing in. we went to an area with only one problem that i would consider warm up grade and i tried starts to problems that were too hard for me. i also worked on a dyno problem... dyno's are my weakness... and didn't get that either. eventually a group of people showed up at the area - including dave graham, so everyone else cleared out. i mean, i certainly don't feel like trying to stick a dyno when such top notch climbers were around.

later when we moved areas, ben moon showed up and worked our problem with us. he was super friendly and nice. i could tell he was someone famous or popular by the way some of the guys on our tour stopped talking when he showed up, and the guide changed his tone to one of reverence. i was just really happy that i was able to get relatively far along in the problem we were working, and other than that was able to act my normal self.

i go through so many different emotions over the course of a day. i'm here in the desert by myself, and due to the lack of trees, there's no privacy on the campsite. so here i am, all on my own and on display to boot. everyday i meet new people, and most of them i will not see again. if i really let my mind run wild, its pretty daunting to have such strong climbers around. i just met someone, looked them up and found out they've done v14. oh dear. i'm partly inspired and partly discouraged by all the talent around. i'm trying to focus on the encouraged part of things, and really believe that i can improve my climbing if i really work on it.

betsy update

2006-02-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

today is a rest day. as usual, i got up with the sunrise and spent a good amount of time sun worshipping. it's fun to just sit and stretch your muscles, and even better when it's done in the desert under the warm sun.

we finally got ready to go into town and run errands, but betsy wouldn't start. oh dear, finally some trouble with the car. i opened the hood and got john to attempt to turn her over while i stared at the engine hoping that it would be something obvious - something i could catch with my limited and out of date mechanics knowledge. thankfully it was - the alternator couldn't turn = dead battery! i dusted off the battery and confirmed my suspicions when i saw the "recharge by 4-03" sticker on it. hell, i squeezed an extra couple years out of it! we got a jump start from one of the few people on the campground who didn't go climbing and drove to the mechanic. betsy has a new battery now and has promised not to give any more trouble. she's 18 years old and i've already driven 8,000km on this trip.

that was enough excitement for the day, and i am so so so glad that she got us to el paso and that the battery didn't give out on the drive here in the wee morning hours in the middle of the night.

hoping to climb again tomorrow - having so many elite climbers around really encourages me to climb to my full potential. i have a few lofty goals that i can't even speak out loud but hope to reach by the end of this road trip.

project alert!

2006-02-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

yesterday started off slow. i was so sore from the first day of climbing and was pretty much scared to climb again lest i may injure myself. more importantly, i was feeling kind of lazy. we sat around the campsite in the morning and were both unmotivated. then i talked to someone in passing (note to self, always talk to people in passing) and found that his group was not going to use their reservations for the day. we have to leave. right now!
they kindly drove over to the park with us to transfer the reservation to us. we're going to climb! we proceded to the warm up boulders where i furthered my quest to be lazy and unmotivated. i tried a few of the easy easy problems and just didn't feel on. i was a bit shakey and nervous and told john it was going to have to be a Very Easy Day. we met a nice guy at the warm up boulders who has been a climbing vagabond for the last seven years, and he came with us to the mushroom boulder.
the guys started to work a problem that i was sure was over my level, and i proceeded to wander around looking for Very Easy problems in the sun. i sat, i climbed, i sat a bit more. finally the urge to climb hit me. by now there are three guys in our group - john, and two guys we've added to our group along the way. one of them kindly suggested a few Very Easy problems for me to go do. i looked at what they were working and said that no, i'd like to try this one. my mood improved triple-fold when i stuck the opening moves on the first try - the guys had been working this move for a while and i was able to do it statically. not that it matters since heaven forbid i compare myself to them, but it just felt great to be able to keep up. i had heard that hueco is sandbagged, but i seem to be able to climb at my normal grade level. i worked through a few other moves on the problem and am leaving it for a later date.

above: adam (a different adam and the fourth adam i've met on this trip) is fixing the pads since we had to stack them for me to even get on the problem....

bear down and then control the move to cross over to the next move. that's the move i have to get next...

and it was a very good day

2006-02-06T16:36:00.000-07:00

after completing my post talking about feeling insecure and overwelmed, yesterday turned out to be a very good day. john was able to get us reservations to get into the park, which was a pleasent surprise. i will always be surprised when i get to climb here, due to the limited access.

we met a group of people at the warm up boulder, and they were talking about going to go do a problem that i had heard john talking about. i asked if we could join them so we all went to the next area together. after burning out on baby martini, we mentioned going to another area and a few of the guys asked if they could join us. our group of four ventured over to work on sign of the cross.
this problem is really good, but really illustrated how off i am my first day in a new place. for starters, i couldn't reach the starting holds without 4 pads (two pads and one folded). once i was on, i was getting through the first few moves but couldn't commit to toss to the next hold. my muscles and my brain just weren't getting along.

the guys sent the problem one by one and it was only me left. by now the rest of the group of nice people had returned, and were sitting around the problem amphitheatre style. oh boy. i tried the problem "one more time" and stuck the move! i was so excited i screamed and everyone else screamed... i went for the next hold, didn't quite make it and hit an intermediate. eek! as soon as i hit the wrong hold with my left hand, i felt my right hand expire. oh boy. i am all the way up there, one move away... no, mere inches away from the first of the finishing jugs and my right hand has gone on strike. i fell off and crawled away laughing so hard. what a rush. i laughed like i haven't laughed for a long long time. it felt so great to have a good support group and great spotters. i just can't believe that i've lost my ability to crimp after almost two months on slopey sandstone. i laughed and laughed, i used to really like crimpers and now they feel so foreign. what was really great though was the support i got from the group, even though the problems i was working were exponentially easier than what they were working.

so i like it here. people are nice... the way i see it, even if they climb v10, they're still human, and i'm not going to cower in fear rather than talk to them. when we left that area, i told them thanks for the support and one guy, who was on a rest day, said "hey, thanks for climbing something since we can't today."

adam (above) and eric (below) scoring the top out on "no one gets out of here alive"

john bearing down on "the sign of the cross"

jessica showing that caves really are dark, working towards the crux on "baby martini"

hueco

2006-02-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

well, it's my first *real* morning in hueco tanks. yesterday doesn't count since i was bleary after 4 hours of sleep following twenty some odd hours of driving.

a new challenge presents itself since this is my first time on this trip in such a popular climber place. in horsepens i was the only one there for the first bit, and then i had canadian friends visiting so i didn't need to worry about other people. in tennessee i was the only one on the campground, and occasionally other people showed up.

at hueco i have walked into a crowd of climbers. this is a brand new experience - the rock ranch is in the desert so it's not like there's privacy between campsites. i'm secretly happy to be here, but overall i'm feeling a bit insecure. i've only been on the road a month and a half, and i am probably no where near as strong as these people. i feel like a noob again... i've *only* been climbing five years.

roadtripping on your own is definitely a different experience. for the past four years i've done most of my travelling with damian, so i never really needed to care about meeting people to climb with. i got to be a couple, and we kept to ourselves. if a conversation with a complete stranger didn't pan out, then we had each other to talk to, which was clearly a better option. now i'm out here on my own merit. i think the best option is to get as involved in the local climbing community as possible. volunteering sometimes has its benefits, like free camping, or anything free for that matter.

well, i'm going to be here for at least three weeks, so it will be interesting to see how things develop. no complaints at all though, since it's guaranteed 20 degree days and sunshine. i feel like i haven't climbed in a long time.

i miss Red, oddly enough. i was wondering if this would happen. maybe someone could ship her to me from tennessee? since john was visiting when we decided to make the trip to hueco, the car was packed full with him and his stuff. there was no room for red. at least john doesn't drool or smell so bad, and he did do some of the driving. when i read about the rock ranch, i thought it said that dogs had to be penned on the ranch when you went climbing... i thought it would be better for red to stay in tennessee. but no, dogs can run free here, and there are plenty of other Big Dogs so red would probably feel quite small in comparison.

darn!

walking in memphis

2006-02-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

pencharz and i are 6 hours into the 21 hour drive to hueco tanks. i'm excited to climb in sunny warm weather again. the obed was great at first since i had such great weather, but then it got so cold and i found that i don't climb so well in the cold.

it was a split decision. we went to the wartburg library to check the weather for el paso. after seeing that the forecast was in the mid 20's (celcius) and sunny sunny sunny, we just looked at each other and said "we're leaving today".

will all this stuff fit in the car? it's one more person and their respective belongings for betsy!

it's all in... sacrificing any and all visibility and quite a bit of comfort. in less than two hours we've broken down camp and crammed it all in the car...

so. i have again treated myself to the hotel room treatment - the neverending shower with no one waiting and no chance of using up hot water. aaaah my return to civilization.

life in the woods in tennessee was great, but i'm happy to emerge again, and hoping to crank crank crank in hueco tanks. more later!

solar powered

2006-02-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

the weather in tennessee has turned wintry again and this time i'm not going to stick around to enjoy it. i need sun and warmth to climb, and neither is available here for the next little while.

pencharz is here visiting now, and we've made the call to push the long, very long drive to hueco tanks in el paso, texas. poor guy - we had some great weather last week and when he gets here it's cold and i'm sick.

i have been here for over three weeks now and it's certainly time to move on. yesterday felt like my body had an allergic reaction to the obed as i spent the day doubled over in pain from my stomach which had gone on strike. i felt positively wretched; enough is enough!

hitting the road again, good by to the southeast, hello to the southwest.

it feels great to be moving on.

good morning sunshine

2006-01-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

just wanted to share a few pictures of the sunrise today...

short post

2006-01-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

my feet stink and i couldn't be happier.

having stinky feet means that i've been climbing again - that rank smell that comes after days of climbing and then transferring said climbing-shoe-feet into socks and approach shoes.

the weather is funny here... it's normally quite sunny and warm for the weekdays and then the weekends are rainy and miserable. last friday was hot, and i took my signature hot-day-rest-day. the rain began on friday night and finally stopped on monday afternoon.

i have determined that i am the sort of person that needs to be in the sun, and i also confirmed my hatred for socks. socks are evil; feet should be free. so it would appear that i conducted a sort of behavioural science experiment on myself - removing all positive stimuli (sun, climbing) and replacing it with a hostile environment (rain, wind, socks). I came through it okay and had some beautifully introspective time hanging out in the woods in the rain either with complete strangers, or being (blissfully) alone.

climbing is back on and my friend pete has returned. his catches are so super soft and i'm still working the same route i mentioned earlier. it stands at minimum one fall, and i'm finding that just having a week away from sport climbing has killed my endurance. looking forward to pencharz' arrival on monday to continue the sport climbing trend.

here i am on Violator - easily my favourite route thus far:

learning to fly

2006-01-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

i've been in the obed now for almost a week, and it seriously feels like about 2.7 days.

there were some other climbers camping up here on the weekend, but the last of them left this morning so i have been returned to my blissful solitude. it's nice to see people once in a while, and i enjoy short bursts of human interaction.

just after i posted my last blog entry, i checked in with pete, the guy that i mentioned climbing with earlier, and found that he had taken sick and was returning home. i was so screwed. i mean, i mean, that thought merely popped into my head after initially feeling sorry for pete and hoping the best for his health and well being.

i felt pretty stupid after declaring my love for the obed, to be stuck here without a climbing partner. i realized just how much of my excitement was based on the prospect of climbing here with a solid partner i trust and enjoy climbing with. i felt completely lost.

most of the time i'm really and truly happy while i'm on my own on this trip. i will admit to having low moments, and this was one of them. all of a sudden reality hits me. i am unemployed. i just scored a free shower as a homeless person at the civic center, withdrew my last 240 dollars and lost my climbing partner. i wandered into the store outside of which i was using the pay phone, and meandered up and down the aisles. oh my god, i'm poor. poor and alone.

i'm driving back to the campground, feeling lost and all the radio stations suck. this place does not have the abundance of solid classic rock stations like alabama. i struggle between a disco-age station, talk radio, and about 42 country music stations. i turn the radio off. need to think. i think about how i accepted the bad times with the good on this road trip. think happy thoughts. what is always my advice to people in times like these? oh yes, breathe deep and smile.

breathing deep and smiling are tough to do right now, and breathing deep and scowling don't seem to be getting me very far. all i wanted to do was find a liquor store, but i know that i can't afford to spend money on alcohol. i decide to just not think about it. i need to cope, and driving while feeling messed up isn't going to do me any good. it's saturday night (the elton john song "saturday night" pops into my head) and i will think about it tomorrow.

my brain's elton john playlist accompanies me back to my new home, and i'm relieved to see a crowd of people. sometimes you just need to talk to other people so you can't hear your own thoughts. i showed up at the fire and felt like i was behind glass, as i stood outside of a few conversations, waiting for an opportunity to join in.

no dice. i need alcohol. i have one trusty bottle of tequila that i purchased in mexico four years ago, when i first began to daydream about doing a solo climbing trip. i rattle around in my kitchen and devise what i later name the "dirtbag sunrise" which is tequila blanco mixed with pink lemonade frozen drink mix and water. i had picked up the lemonade since it was the cheapest thing in the frozen food section since i needed to keep my cooler cool and it's too small for a bag of ice.

the night proceeded nicely and my worries were put aside as we hung out in the hillbilly hottub, i with my dirtbag sunrise. symbolic of the change that has come about in my roadtrip - tomorrow i have to go in search of climbing partners . i've never had to do this before since i've been bouldering the past month and was always insulated by visits of friends from toronto.

sunday morning arrives and i've slept in. i don't even see any of the people that i hung out with the night before, and the guy i promised to give coffee grounds has been up so long he drove into down and bought a brewed cup. one of the guys i talked with the night before wanders by - he barely slept at all last night and he's going back to bed. the morning continues as i wait for pete, who mentioned he would drop by on his way home in the morning. i wait until noon and when he doesn't show i leave a note on my car wishing him well and start the hike to the crag. i'm walking the extra 10 minutes to the trailhead to save on gas money.

i'm on my way to the crag, and will have to find a climbing partner by myself for the first time. it feels like my backpack is heavier than usual as i trudge along the approach. i've only been here once, and it was time for me to do it on my own. when i got to the wall, i was in luck! two gentlemen who i had met at the campground just finished hanging draws on the only route i hadn't done on the warm-up wall. i offered to clean the route for them in exchange for a belay. they offered me top rope, and i felt a twinge of recollection of my days of top roping.

i've never had a solid lead head, and have struggled with it since i took my first outdoor lead fall about four years ago. i back down from any move if there's any prospect of taking a lead fall. i've tried to work through it with damian, but all i did was lead routes bolt to bolt until i got about 50 feet up, then i sat for about 10 minutes before declaring defeat. in my times of desperation i referred to myself as a "top rope princess," just TRing routes that other people lead, even if they're within her abilities.

i can't be that person anymore.

i have to climb with complete strangers, so i'm going to have to lead at my limits. i cannot pout, cry, or whine. after running the warm-up route with the gentlemen from the campsite, i saw another group of climbers arriving further down the wall. they're getting on a route that i did with pete, thank god, so i know it's within my abilities.

i've never done this before, and i'm completely new to leading these grades, thanks to my non-existent lead head. but for some reason after falling off so many bouldering problems, i no longer care about taking lead falls and i just want to climb, plain and simple. i really hope i don't fall, but i'm too embarrassed to take in front of people i don't know.

thankfully i redpoint the route that i had climbed with pete, fighting the pump to the anchors. i will hold on, and if i fall it will be at least while i was trying hard.

later i'm on a route with the same group of people - a funky fun start to a boulder problem (for someone of my height). slopey sidepull layback to small crimp to bump for ledge. why is the ledge so far up? i set up and throw to the ledge and fall. and fall and fall again. falling is fun! i'm not sure how many times i fell, but i finally stuck the move and it felt great. i fight the pump for the rest of the climb and as i clip the anchors i look around at my surroundings and smile. it's my first lead of this grade, but i'm the only one who knows that.

they encouraged me to work for a redpoint, and i tried the route again, this time falling only once at the crux and getting it the second time. my arms are hurting and my forearms are always semi-pumped. i pack up my things and say farewell to the group, hoping sincerely to see them again sometime. i hike back out the same way i came in, by myself, but this time i'm walking on air. the top rope princess has left the building.

living close to the earth

2006-01-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

okay, i found another home.

the obed in tennessee is everything i want in a climbing destination.

there are sport routes that are nicely bolted, and there is bouldering as well. there are a number of crags in a number of locations, to keep it interesting. the hike is just long enough to warm you up, but not too difficult. the rock feels like a mix between the red river gorge, and horsepens 40. slopey ledges, and tough-textured sandstone. there are routes capped with large ceilings so you can climb when it's raining. you can also climb the large ceilings (mostly 12's and 13's) but most of them have fixed gear. i'm hoping to get over my lead head and be taking happy whippers off roof climbs. a girl can dream.

the bouldering is great... there's one wall at the lilly boulders that is just like climbing in the gym... it's slightly overhanging with all sorts of holds. you can pick an existing line to work, or make something up (hence the gym comparison). it began to piss-pour rain while we were bouldering yesterday and we just kept on going until the holds got damp. but hey, i hear that climbing in dirty shoes on wet rock helps technique. or something.

the camping is perfect. it's a climber friendly campground on the property of the nicest people in the world. i was the only one there yesterday and they provided me with firewood to get through the cold night, and offered me the cabin to stay in. i was fine in my tent, but still, the offer was greatly appreciated.

red, the uber-large dog, and i are getting along. she got a bit of my dinner last night and ate around the portobello mushrooms. what i'm eating is a far cry from dog food, and occasionally when she's hungry enough she eats the cheap dog food i bought for her. we go for walks together and she looks out for me. i'm sleeping well with a large dog slumbering away outside the tent.

today is a rest day since i am sore, and conveniently enough it snowed as well last night. Red slept in the yurt last night since she wasn't impressed when i offered her the vestibule of my tent.

i expect to be in the obed for a while. when it's sunny, the south facing crags really heat up. boy was i surprised to be climbing in a sports bra on wednesday! there is a lot to do here, an endless source of projects for me. the above-mentioned gym-like wall in the bouldering area has a v7 if you traverse the entire thing. the wall is at least 50ft long. so if i have no partners, i can go work on a really long overhanging traverse. that should keep me busy!

no pictures of the route climbing since i was either climbing or belaying. i'll mix in some pictures of the bouldering, before and after the rain.

it's about an hour drive to find a wireless signal, so the posts will probably be written offline and all be posted at the same time. can't wait to go climbing again tomorrow ... it's really hit me, i just live to climb right now and that makes me so incredibly happy.

girl on the road

2006-01-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

it's my one-month anniversary of being on the road. in this time i've been able to maintain a two days on climbing one day off resting lifestyle for over 3 weeks.

i'm changing the name of my blog from daydream believer since the daydream has come true at this point. i'm just a girl on the road now.

daydream believer is from the time i spent at my desk when i was employed... daydreaming about my next climbing trip, or heaven forbid, dreaming about quitting my job to hit the road.

the daydreams are now a reality. i hope to meet nice people, have the car cooperate with my trip, and to climb in many different areas.

the dirtbag has arrived!

2006-01-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

so i've made it to the obed. yesterday was another driving day, and i made it to wartburg, tennessee just after sundown.
i opened up my laptop to look at the directions that i had been able to find online the night before while parked outside a hotel to tap into wireless. i wasn't able to get to the dr topo site to get the obed guide that i used last year when we camped here.

i drove up and down the highway, and all over wartburg (a very small town) looking for something that resembled any of the sets of directions i had with me. i've really got to make an effort not to arrive in new places with crappy directions after dark.

deciding to stop for directions, i drove up to a shell station and addressed the line up inside: "does anyone know where the lilly bridge is?" the lilly bridge is one part of my directions that i knew was correct. a woman answered and started to tell me how to get there, and a man also in line interjected to tell her that she had it wrong. they were really nice, the stereotypical southern hospitality sort.

the gentleman decided that i wasn't going to make it there with directions, and offered to show me the way. he drove slowly out to the campground with me following. i tried my best to remember the turns so i could save myself in case he was going to lead me down a dead end dirt road. honestly, i just hoped he was a nice guy since i was hungry and more interested in eating my 25 cent cheese and crackers that i had just picked up at the gas station.

it was one of my worst nights of sleep ever... i woke up cold enough to be uncomfortable and warm enough not to want to get up and put more clothes on to rectify the situation. boy was i sad. visions of unemployment danced in my head. some friends have asked when it's hit me that i'm on the road, that i'm unemployed... well i've had my moments and last night certainly was one of them. i was wide awake and replaying all the decisions in my head that led up to this moment. since i was wide awake, i also got hungry. now i was so hungry i couldn't sleep. it's easy to feel poor when you're lying awake cold and hungry at night. i (quite literally) was NOT a happy camper!

i heard a growl outside my tent. i felt like i had just dozed off, and now there's something outside my tent, growling just by my ear. i was awake again!! i told myself that it was one of the dogs and in response heard a wimper/whine combo from outside. i whined back, the sort of "i can't believe i'm still awake" and the creature responded with a whine of its own. we whined back and forth and i fell asleep knowing that it was one of the dogs that was waiting for me to get up and play with it.

when i finally decided that it was light enough to get up, i unzipped the door to see that the fly was covered in frost. it didn't have time to dry out since it rained the night before in horsepens and was packed up and then repitched wet. i reached out to unzip the front door, and it was frozen shut. a good effort to the second zipper and the cold caught me by surprise, strangely enough after being cold all night i was still surprised. go figure.

i saw all three of del and martes dogs in a semi circle outside my tent entrance waiting for me and when i looked back behind the tent, i found my growler/whiner/wimperer and it was a huge bloodhound. sure, so there's another dog here this year, big deal.
after making coffee i had the pleasure of meeting del, the owner of this land and he was just as nice as i've heard. he asked if this was my dog... nope it isn't mine, i thought it was one of his. this dog wasn't here when i arrived or when i went to bed, but showed up to take care of me in the middle of the night.

i've been adopted. i said that if i found a stray camp dog on this trip, i'd take it with me. this dog is way too big to fit in my car and i'd by no means be able to afford feeding it.

she doesn't have a name yet, but she tried to follow us to the crag today and didn't make it. when we got back from climbing, she was curled up again (still?) behind the tent, where she had spent the night. my fears of adoption were confirmed since the dog ran to greet me, wagging its ten pound tail.

i moved my tent to a better site (more sunlight and hopefully a non-frozen-solid tent in the morning) and the big red dog followed me around and i walked my things from site to site.

i made dinner, tuna salad - big surprise - and big red hung out with me. she got to lick the tuna package but doesn't seem to like broccoli. she did lick out the pot that i ate out of, which is still kind of gross although she did a really good job. i've left the pot to soak with soapy water... i'm just not used to dogs.

i ran into town tonight to call damian slash leave him ANOTHER voicemail. i had my first run in with save-on-foods... it's a crazily discounted food store that has pretend brands instead of real brands. there's dr pop instead of dr pepper, and all sorts of other almost no name items. i felt guilty and picked up a bag of cheap dog food for red.

returning back to the campground, all of del & marte's dogs ran to meet me. except red. i looked around to find her curled up next to my tent's new location and walked the bag of dog food over. hey, if she eats my tuna salad, she'll eat cheap dog food! i apologized to her for being a dirtbag and told her it was too bad she adopted a dirtbag since this was the best i could do.

she turned her nose up at it so i went back to the car. i was getting some things out of the trunk and turned around to see little tiny close together eyes staring back at me. she was sitting politely about 20 feet away, and let out the signature whine. i brought the bag of dog food back and dumped out twice as much as i had before, since it was all gone and replaced with a puddle of drool.

she's eaten her fill and i'm in the tent now for my second night. i can hear her snoring and i feel good knowing that i've got a huge red dog outside to take care of me. hopefully we'll both sleep a bit better tonight.

farewell to horsepens

2006-01-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

well. this place has been my home for three weeks. it doesn't seem like it's been that long since i drove here late at night after a hellish drive through georgia. those four days on my own were quite an experience, but i will treasure the memories from the two and a half weeks that i had friends visiting.

to keep up the traditions tonight, i skipped my shower, ate my weight in tuna pasta salad, (that tradition appears to be specifically mine), got slapped down in a night bouldering session and now i'm burning off the last of the wood. this campsite seems pretty big now just for one person, and the couch by the fire is luxurious.

tomorrow i'm packing up and hitting the road again, to meet pete in the obed. every time i mention the obed to climbers down here, they get really whimsical and tell me how great it is there. i hope it's going to be great.

the rest is a picture post of the friends that i shared this leg of the trip with.

missing damian

2006-01-06T18:07:00.000-07:00

damian left today. so did paul and josie-anne... jay is here now, so i'm still covered as far as having people i know and trust to climb with. the temperatures have dropped though, so i got a bonus rest day today due to the cold.
the way i see it, i didn't drive for 20 hours to climb when i can't feel my hands. even if the friction is amazing, i don't care.

i didn't really need to climb anyway, because of a really cool thing that happened yesterday... last week i picked a line out that i really liked. it looked challenging enough, but i could see the moves and believed i was capable of them. i took damian by to see it, this line i liked... but wouldn't look it up in the guidebook in case that would deter my attempt. i walked paul and josie-anne by it to have a look... this line i thought i could do but wasn't sure what it was... yesterday with jay here, we tried it out, and i got it! as i thought, the start was something i was capable of and really enjoyed. the top out was quite a trip, where i ate my words of telling jay that i "liked to mantle for the slopey top outs, instead of whale bellying it". i had full contact jessica-on-rock as i had a rebirth of fear to the top of the route. i was already a way up so in my mind, jumping down was not an option! i screamed and shreiked, and when i finally pulled myself up to the top of the boulder, i rolled over and burst out laughing. i laughed and laughed, stood up and laughed, and then laughed my way down the downclimb on the back of the boulder and laughed a bit more with my friends and very attentive spotters back on the ground.

so now i can look at the guidebook! i got my bearings and figured out what boulder we were on, but couldn't believe the grades. we broke for lunch and i looked at the guidebook again... yes, that route is in the spot that i climbed, and part of the description seems to suit it... but the grade wasn't quite right. i ran over to the campground neighbours, and asked them about the description of the route, not quite understanding the climbing terminology. they weren't sure what a "blunt prow formed by double runnels" was either, so i carried on with my day. it was a really fun problem, no matter what the grade was. it was so exhillarating to push through to the finish, as freaked as i was by the topout.

i continued on to mulletino, my standing project, and cruised through the beginning, and up to two moves from the finish, where i am currently stuck. again and again i tried it, really dialing up the start, but unable to finish. i had to give in.

on the way back, i conveniently swung by that day's earlier whale-belly-rebirth problem. there were people working it, so i asked them where the line was, and the grade.

they confirmed that the true line was what i completed, and that the grade was a (holy shit) V6! my first v6... ... i don't normally mention grades on here, but since this is a new grade level completed for me, and it was in such a great way, i have to admit i'm so excited and proud. if i had known the grade, i wouldn't have even tried it.

i've always wanted to pick a line out on the rock and complete it, with out knowing the grade. i'm going to be a little less guidebook dependent from now on.

how much of the grade is in our head?

she's got a project

2006-01-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

she has a project!

there's a problem here that i've fallen in love with.

it's mulletino, strangely enough it's just around the corner and on the same boulder as last year's project - the lowdown.
i tried mulletino last year but could only do the first few moves. this year i tried it with some boys, all of whom were much taller than me, and i couldn't even get to the crux.

sit start with hands in crack/ledge directly above in roof. throw a right heel hook also into the crack further down the roof where it's a bit bigger and the crack splits into a ledge. from there, work hand over hand down the crack/ledge until into place to reach a left hand very far left for a small hold (out left). the cool stuff begins. there's a far left toe hook/foot jam far left on the lip of the overhang. all of this takes place on a roof that is true horizontal, by the way. throw your foot very far and reach straight ahead for an okay hold, and bump to a jug. at this point i feel like a starfish clamped to the underside of the rock, what with my toe jammed up above my head. when i tried this problem a few days ago, i couldn't manage to reach the far jug, hit a crimper a bit closer and couldn't commit to the next move: letting go with your right hand (which has been comfortably and reliably in place for the past 7 or so moves). anyway, the move there is to let go with your right and cut loose, but not the fun feet-off-cutting-loose, but with your left foot still jammed over on the lip of the roof. i couldn't do it.

i thought about that move for two nights in a row.... it makes perfect sense and it's perfectly fine to let go with that right hand and swing out. i had to at least try it, i mean, i usually like overhangs, right?

yesterday paul and josie-anne arrived. they basically parked the car, got out, and got their climbing stuff ready to hit the boulders. we had a brief session just before sunset with them, showing them around a bit before dinner and new year's eve. today was a great, long session where we worked on a lot of really great problems - really trying to introduce them to all that hp40 has to offer, but nothing really scary (yet).

after breaking for lunch, the boys went over to see the lowdown and i rested for mulletino. i was obsessed with that move... can i really cut loose with my foot jammed, and complete the move by controlling my swing out and grabbing the undercling? i tried and failed, over and over again. my improvement was that i could now reach the most positive part of the jug, which was a move that i had convinced myself that was impossible

sometimes it's tough to believe that you can follow the beta of a bunch of six foot tall boys.

i tried the move and couldn't commit. i could see that this was just like sport climbing for me, i had to try the move since it was such a safe fall. if i didn't try, i wouldn't fall, of course and i really was just curious to see if i was even capable of the move at my height.

i decided to try just one more time, promising paul and jo that i was going to cut loose and see what happened. i move through the opening moves and reached for the jug with my left hand - hit it! tried to focus on how great and positive it felt. now it's time to let go and see what happens! i couldn't do it and i held on like the little starfish i am. paul was standing right there spotting me, and i could just see him in my pererferal(sp?) vision. he was saying he's got me covered, and i believed him. i willed my right hand to let go and it wouldn't. i slowly started pulling my hand out of the hold, slowly so slowly until finally i cut loose and let out a scream of pure fear which quickly turned into a shriek of surprise as i caught my swing with the undercling and then completed the next move, still in complete shock.

i dropped down as happy as ever. i can't wait to do that move again, it was the most fun i've had climbing in a long time. actually, i can't think of a time that i have had this much fun climbing. committing to moves you've never done before can be a lot of fun. i am now beginning to fully realize that this trip is all about moments like this. i hope to fall in love with other problems, adopt them as projects, and learn a little more about this thing we call climbing.

december 30

2005-12-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

damian took a rest day so there are a lot of pictures from today's session. warm weather again, thank god.

there are almost 60 pictures so i don't think i'm going to do any picture-sequences this time...

on mulletino:

josh cuttin' loose on stretch armstrong:

kim on an unnamed problem:

scared on an arete....

never trust a mustache:
sort of a sequence of my send of lea's problem - i found a crimpy traverse at hp40!
and was very pumped after finishing it, top out and all:

happy new year everyone!

dec 29

2005-12-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

lots of pictures to post. today was unrealistically cold in the morning. i was grumpy, cranky, and sad all at the same time. then i found out that i can fit into my outdoor climbing shoes with wool socks on, and we had a good session. there was the cold morning session, the afternoon cranking, and then the night session that was brought on by a whole lotta wine.

pictures! i am glad to announce that i went back to send the problem that i posted a pic of a few posts ago. here it is:

uniball:

sit start from block to undercling... which eric called an "underpress" since it's got no cling.

hand heel match on the opening hold and work your way up right facing slopers and rails:

big stretch up to a very rewarding jug:
move your heel up the rail and then top out around the corner on the left:

here's damian on a problem i believe was called green lantern:

sit start that i couldn't figure out... fire to sloper... eric did it as a campus sit start if that makes sense:

left hand out to jug, right hand up to slopey rail

bump that hand desperately up the slopey rail until you find a positive spot:

keep working up the water groove into the slopey mantle:

the pictures from the night session didn't turn out since it was... well... dark. and perhaps the photographer had a bit too much to drink... perhaps...

it's 18C, why aren't you here?

2005-12-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a great day of climbing! we met up with eric (used to climb at oasis, switched to rockheads and then moved away) who's down for a week on his own. he pitched his tent nearby to help us amalgamate all the ontarians into one place.... also taking over some really great real estate. we've got a great spot - i believe i'm camping on page 18 of the dr.topo guide for hp40, we can climb within sight of the tent.

starting on the 26th, the place really filled up. we woke up yesterday to be surrounded by people. we have new jerseyans on one side, quebecois on the other and a few cute little sharma-wannabe children across the road.

it was my best climbing day so far, i sent the problem that was my project last year on the first try, and then also sent something that i tried last year but couldn't get. i'm pretty sore and my tips are shot though, hence the rest day. since it was so sunny and warm yesterday, the friction on the rock was great. though it's warm out today, i don't think the friction will be the best since it was overcast and foggy this morning. the sandstone really holds the moisture.

the pics of my send are on eric's camera and he won't let me have them. here's a pic of my celebration instead:

mmm, i love that cheap dirtbag wine.

today's pictorial sequence is eric on the Lowdown - the lowest low-balley lowball that horsepens has to offer:

keep your ass off the ground:

continue to keep your ass off the ground:

hump the rock, don't drag your ass on the ground:
go for a tough topout while trying not to drag your feet on the ground:

the forecast continues to look good, and we hope to be back on the rock either tonight (night session!) or tomorrow. looking forward to paul & jo's arrival on saturday, and then jay the following week.

when the tent's a rockin, don't come a knockin

2005-12-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

so damian's here now!
he quickly declared that i had lost weight already, and he took me grocery shopping. mmmm junk food!

here he is on one of our warmups today:

sit start with reach...

match hands, change feet:
fire to sloper (i'll be saying that alot when in hp40)

reach high for an undercling, feet up and fire for the top of the boulder to encounter a freaky slopey top out...

here i am on something that i look forward to trying when i'm not so burnt... it's a tough sit start into an undercling, match it up and continue out the roof on so-so shallow holds. hopefully i'll be posting pictures from the send of this one later this week :)

a river ran through it

2005-12-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

so it's raining. still. it's been pouring all day and i wish i was exaggerating. lesson learned number 2: if there are patches of gravel on your campsite, these are not pads for tents, they are to fill the washout from the last torrential downpour and to provide drainage for the next torrential downpour. i found that out today as i found a small creek forming very close to my tent. thankfully i have a good quality four season MEC tent and the base of it is still waterproof.

after spending as much time in the washroom (restroom) as possible to charge my laptop battery, i ventured back to pouring rain tent land. i cozyed into my tent and was instantly bored. this is my first camping in a storm on my own sort of thing, and i remembered that when it's rained and there have been other people around (damian) that they (he) have always (obsessively) been checking on the tent... repegging the fly and so on.

adventure! this is what i wanted from this trip, right? (besides climbing, but hey i'm still bitter about it raining on my Ubah-Cranking Day, so enough about that.) where was i? oh right, adventure! i sprang back out of the tent to "check on things". i found my trusty tent-peg-hitting rock and got to work. it was at this point that i discovered that there was a small creek forming behind and under the tent. this would explain the puddles i could see inside.

i got to digging trenches around the tent, and this was the most fun i've had in a while. depending on how well you know me, you may have heard me stress about spending too much on a patagonia waterproof rain jacket before going away on this trip. it's certainly come in handy and i don't regret the purchase at all. i had fun old school style, first digging trenches by kicking at the dirt with my feet... then gouging them out with my tent-peg-hitting rock... and then to the point of digging with my hands. FUN! this is the sort of adventure i guess i was looking for.

i don't have a picture of the rain, so here's a pretty waterfall close to looking glass in NC.

not quite rain and totally the wrong state, but a lot of people just visit to look at pictures and don't read what i write, so this is for you.

perhaps my last few blog entries have sounded a bit down. i always have these great and creative ideas for my blog entries, but it's so annoying to try to steal, er, find free wireless, that i'm totally uninspired by the time i end up completing the entry, what with sitting in a parking lot and trying to answer emails at the same time (speaking of which, please feel free to email, i do appreciate them.)

you see, in my best efforts to be a dirtbag, i had cut alcohol out of my expenses. bad idea! no wonder so many homeless people are alcoholics. the stuff is/can be cheap, and really makes the time fly when you're on your own. i went back to wal-mart to pick out a bottle of wine. damian is showing up tomorrow night so i figured i should get a nice bottle for us to drink when he gets here, and nice bottle for me to drink tonight. better idea! a Really Big Bottle of Cheap Wine. I found three litres for 8.97. bonus! i think i'm hooked. this stuff will probably stain my teeth, and my liver. good stuff!

here is the wine i'm drinking next to the puddle under the tent:

lesson learned

2005-12-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

if you are on a roadtrip and it's sunny and warm, go climbing.

do not take a rest day, even if every muscle in your body hurts. you can always hurt a bit more.

save rest days for days of inclement weather.

yesterday was about 15C, the warmest day i've had so far on this trip. i took a rest day since the last time i looked at the forecast, it was supposed to be warm until sunday.

things change.

this morning was overcast with a cold wind. i wandered around the boulders (so excited to climb alone again) and finally found some motivation to climb. there really is a lot of climbing there. in a 9 day visit last year, there were areas i didn't even see.

wandered into the boulders, met some nice locals and worked a few problems with them. found out that the forecast changed to 80% chance of showers and about 30 minutes later, it began to pour.

so here i am, IN mcdonalds for free wireless. IN mcdonalds. for the first time in many years. there is free wireless and it's a lot warmer than the tent. i should probably get out of here before i start ordering anything other than coffee!

merry freakin christmas!

one is the loneliest number...

2005-12-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

okay so it's not that bad, but i'm seriously surprised at how busy horsepens 40 isn't. last year the place was packed when we showed up on boxing day. there were alot of "regulars" living there. this time, i am on one of the three occupied campsites. the other boulderers are all teenagers out on school holiday. it was cute when a kind 14 year old sent my problem, and gave me beta suitable for six foot tall teenagers. thanks... no, really...

bouldering by yourself is seriously overrated, as far as i'm concerned. i bouldered yesterday but am limited to problems that i don't need a spotter or the pad moved/ an additional pad. on the other hand, i'm committed to finishing slopey top-outs since falling is NOT an option (see above comment about needing people to move the pad over for me in case i fall).

i do have a few projects on the go, which is a sure sign that i set my sights a bit too high for my first day climbing in a new area. the first project is a big move from a sit start to a sloper (of course). i've worked it from the standing-up-pretending-i-got-the-move point and was able to pull through to the finish. time will tell if that sit start is within my reach. i found the other problem/projects at the end of the day and could actually pull the sit start, just not any other move.

i only bouldered for a few hours, but am so incredibly sore. i feel like i just started climbing! my legs hurt, my back and arms hurt, and my fingertips are RAW. today has been a rest day. i ran out of things to do at my campsite and got sick of people looking at me ("what's that girl doing by herself??"). no pictures to post just yet for the following reasons: a) there is no one to take pictures; b) it's weird if i take pictures of other people and given their ages i think it's probably illegal too; and c) i did take a couple pictures of the sunset but didn't bring the cable to upload them from my camera.

this entire trip is still highly surreal. i'm sitting in a cafe in gadsden, alabama. by myself, of course. i have quit my job and am living from my savings. i am sort of on my way to move to BC, but maybe i'm just on my way up to the red river gorge for the spring. it's a very strange sensation to go from knowing what you're going to do every day of every week, to being surprised how today turned out. am i really on a trip just to climb? how is this possible? i'm getting some good dirtbag techniques, like spending lots of time in the heated washrooms in horsepens... i can charge the laptop while i'm there and warm up. i am moving so slowly these days since i'm not in a rush to get anywhere. the more time i can kill, the better. this is a huge difference from having a few people to hang out with at night. sitting around by yourself... the time really drags.

i have found a great antidote to feeling poor - go to the dollar store! these people are really and truly poor. seeing the kids playing with the one and two dollar toys... and this is their reality for christmas. so i'm doing okay.

happy birthday to betsy! she rolled over to 140,000 km two days ago! she got a full tank of supreme gasoline and her semi-annual car wash to celebrate.

damian flies in on sunday - needless to say i'm quite excited to see him again. i'm really looking forward to seeing all the people that are going to meet up with me on my trip! i will have lots of problems to show you. i have met someone down here who is embarking on a similar roadtrip on jan 10, and we may meet up for a roadtrip in january sometime. if anyone is thinking about travelling south in the next few months, please drop me an email and we'll see if it's feasible to meet up.

that's it for a few days - it's a 30 minute drive from horsepens to get a wireless connection.
merry christmas, happy holidays, and a thrilling xmas to all.

grrr hiss, y'all

2005-12-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

i lived in toronto for over 7 years and i just experienced the worst traffic of my life.

there is no straightforward direct way from brevard to hp40. i set off west on a windy road through the mountains. as it turned out, the road was so windy that it dropped the speed limit down to 30mph in a lot of places. then it dropped to 15 mph, which is slower than the standard through most residential neighbourhoods.

i cut south and enjoyed the sunny drive down the mountains into south carolina. life was good.

then i got to georgia. the interstate was heavy, but what i'm used to driving in on the dvp. then i got to atlanta and got to sit in rush hour traffic while the sun set, making it impossible to read any road signs.

it got worse. the highway i had picked out on the map to follow to alabama has been built up quite a bit. it now cuts through a few super centre parking lots. as it turned out, i should have cut north and taking the 401 across!

then i got to experience te displeasure of having someone sit behind me with their headlights on high. my optic nerves throbbed. i got an instant frontal lobe headache.

nine hours on the road today and i'm about to get onto the I59 interstate south to hp40.

wow was that exhausting! i am completely beat. i went to the wal-mar super centre to shop with the poor people and pick up food for a while.

i need to remember what this trip is all about, so i'm going to post the pictures from rumbling bald climbing yesterday.

pete shows us a problem he's working on:

with a freaky top-out between two boulders:

i gave it a try...

anne put up her own variation:

hope to see some familiar faces at hp40! the drive was horrendous enough that i'm good with staying put there for a while. i'll be in horse pens until jan 10 at least.

bouldering in the sun

2005-12-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

today was an amazing day of bouldering. we went back up to rumbling bald - anne wasn't exagerrating when she told me how warm it gets up there.... the place is south facing, we were wandering around in our barefeet and climbing in t-shirts when the problems were in the sun, which they mostly were.
i'm in a cafe for free wireless right now and they're closing soon. today's post will be a photo journal where i share my project which i got in a few tries today... it's my favourite so far.

start with a crimper and a sloper....
out onto the slopey rail:

cross over to more slopey rail and no feet:

continue with cross over stance and move feet over to smear:

launch for a shallow sloper close to the top of the boulder:

peddle your feet up on the smear action and get ready to lanch for the top:

i fell off the first few times since i don't "launch" so well. i ended up throwing a heel hook up on the slopey rail and hitting the top static.

have to get out of this cafe! on my way to horsepens 40 tomorrow. yay, another five hours of driving!

southern hospitality

2005-12-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

one week of dirtbagging and i still haven't camped. anne and troy have really made me feel comfortable and have been wonderfully hospitable during my stay.

today we went to looking glass - a large granite dome here in brevard, NC. it's mostly known for it's slabbity-slab-slab run out trad multi pitch, but we top roped a wall that could be nice bolted sport routes if they did that sort of thing there.

here's a pic of troy demonstrating the angle of the rock:looking glass was great. so slabby - i was doing lots of hand-facing-down sloper moves. freaky! but the friction is great so i was really able to get a feel for the rock on top rope. the hike is about 45 minutes uphill, which was a great warm up.

back to rumbling bald tomorrow....

at home in the mountains

2005-12-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

my first day of climbing on the road.

Saturday we went to rumbling bald, a boulderfield in the mountains that is the best winter climbing destination in the area. i hear that on a sunny day in january, you can boulder in a t-shirt since it's a south facing sheltered crag. on a cloudy day, it felt like an average fall day in ontario. 12C or so?

here are a couple problems that i have pictures of.

i was reintroduced to southern top-outs... so slopey. and it's beyond the "beached whale" approach to topping out... just friction and a lot of trust.

this problem here followed a line up the middle of the boulder - crimpy sit start with crappy feet leads to a deadpoint on sharp crystals. match it up...

and then it's right hand out left to a slimper where you feel like you're going to fall backwards off the rock. balance your feet up and then it's shimying over the top. that's a lot for your first day bouldering in over a month let alone first time outdoor bouldering in a while. i'm not ashamed to say that i shyed away from the top out. i hope that within a month i'll be doing high-ball heel hook top outs with tonnes of trust. but for now, i swore creatively and jumped off.

here's anne on another problem we did... dime-edge (literally) feet with a crystal that i used as a one finger crimper to a balancey cross over to a jug - easier top out.

also, this town is known for it's white squirrels. we went white squirrel hunting yesterday to no avail. today anne was a bit more stubborn in her search and we found three of them hanging out in the sunshine.

This one practically posed for the picture and also gave me a great opportunity to try out the zoom on my camera. imagine that, a white squirrel!

tomorrow we're heading to looking glass for some trad.

chlorine before climbing

2005-12-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

fun!

i have discovered that starbucks t-mobile wi-fi hotspots are not free. i was very dissapointed in starbucks and no longer have an excuse to go there.

four hours of driving yesterday brought me to morgantown, west virginia. i dropped in on my friends ben & kate, and that's where i found out about the storm moving in. they invited me to stay the night and get an early start in the morning, and i graciously accepted their hospitality! it gets better though, and it gets beer related.
a few years ago i went to pies n pints, a restaurant in fayetteville (new river gorge). it was there that i first tried appalachian ale - and loved this micro brew. i went back to that restaurant on a later trip to get that beer, the first visit it was closed, and the next year we went and they weren't serving it anymore. darn.
so back to ben & kate. we went out for dinner to a brew pub downtown. i love "microbreweries!" i said. "have you ever heard of appalachian ale?" well lo and behold it turns out that they're going to THE pub that brews THE beer that i have been looking for for over two years.

so scratch that off the list.

set out in the morning at 6am to get ahead of the storm. every time i am in west virginia it rains, and not even some sort of noah's ark friendly style rain, oh no, it's much worse. i did another four hours of driving today and covered a lot less distance. the driving was getting more and more intense, and i knew that if this were in canada, i would not be driving. then i got to thinking about the consequences of having a car accident in america. for starters, i would be so *bleep*ed by their health care (or lack thereof) that i would have to turn around and drive my gimpy body back across the border to be put back together. secondly, i don't think that any insurance company would forgive you for driving in a snowstorm in west virginia (fer cryin out loud!). they only get two storms here a year, and it's your fault if you chose to drive in one of them.

so i got a hotel.

i'm really good at this dirtbag thing. it's been fun, an entire night to myself, one more night to take as long as i want to in the shower since a) i'm not a houseguest, b) there's no one waiting, and c) i'm not being timed.
i'm ready for this trip. i haven't climbed in almost a week now, and my last few sessions at the gym really and truly sucked. starting tomorrow, i have climbing partners lined up until almost the end of january. february is being booked now! i am so ready for this trip..

over the border

2005-12-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

that was easy.

3.5 hours of driving the first day - not a problem! the customs agent asked a lot of questions, but i answered as sincerely and honestly as possible that i'm only going to be here for three weeks, until i have to go back to my corporate job when my vacation is over. i was allowed over the border and continued the drive through the flattest part of New York State, the sun very low in the sky. betsy is really behaving and driving very smoothly - just below the speed limit. don't rush me, i've got no where to be.
on a whim tonight, i did a search for wireless networks. found free wifi .... maybe all the rumours i've heard about the states being connected are true...

tomorrow's goal is to make it to the new river gorge in west virginia. should be about six hours of driving. it will be cold camping though.

Very gracious to eryn for the hospitality tonight. we're about to eat cake. eryn's been a baking machine.

i'm eating cake now. can't seem to post this fast enough. the cake is amazing. eryn is cool.

what do you mean, the countdown is over?

2005-12-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have been dreaming about doing a trip like this for a few years now. I've been counting down to our goal to move out west for two years. The countdown to this actual trip started about two months ago. What do you do when the countdown is over? I'm expecting some sort of heavy-duty shock to set in soon....

Damian and I already said our see-you-later's. I saw him off to work early this morning - I'm not interested in a tearful tail lights down the road, kerchief out the window sort of good-bye. Besides, he'll be visiting me in Alabama in less than two weeks, so we'll delay the tearful good-bye for then.

So the packing begins! Attached is a pic of all the stuff I have to fit in my little car. Since the end result of this trip is a move to BC, i'm bringing more than i (probably) need. Besides, being prepared for trad, sport and bouldering means i have a LOT of gear.

Time to pack up, including the laptop. This is all still very surreal.

'twas the night before roadtrip...

2005-12-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

I took an extra day to run errands. I picked up groceries for the trip and Betsy, my trusty car, had a fuel system clean out. my little present to her in hopes that she gets me all the way to BC. Betsy is a 1988 chevy-blue cavalier. she has various decorations and decals. may i say it? may i make the predictable joke? She's old enough to drive herself! har-har! you may wipe the spit off the screen now, otherwise it could dry funny.

So, what am i doing the night before driving out of toronto into the unknown?
watched monster garage. it's going to be continued next week! the nerve! it's pretty obvious that i'm everything's packed up, so I will now enjoy a double episode of Family Guy and post tomorrow as I attempt to fit it all in the car.

first post

2005-12-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

It's surreal... overwelming and time is going by far too quickly.

Starting a blog before I hit the road. There's nothing to talk about just yet. How about an agenda?

I have no agenda, just a bit of money in the bank, no obligations and a car that really wants to drive all over creation on the way to BC.

Hoping to spend the first night just 3 hours away in Pennsylvania, visiting my friend Eryn. After that it's a night in West Virginia, hopefully the next day climbing in WV as well, and then it's off to North Carolina to visit my friend Anne.
Conveniently enough, Anne is very close to a hella lot of rock. She and I crank for a week together and then it's family time for the holidays. My family (Damian) is flying down on Christmas day, we'll spend a week together in Georgia and Alabama. Then a few other friends (Paul and Jo, perhaps more that haven't confirmed yet) will be down over new years and the week following.

Then Damian leaves. Expect some sad posting around then.

The rest of the time is open. I know it seemed strange to claim having no agenda and then provide day-by-day detail for the first few weeks. Fear not, there's no agenda after that. Perhaps I'll kick around in the SE states for another month and then head to the Red River Gorge (*drool*) for March. Maybe I'll drive to Potrero Chico for a while and then to Hueco Tanks. Otherwise I'm hoping to stop in Arkansas (Horseshoe Canyon is the name of the climbing area there, I believe.) on the way to Hueco. If I make it to Hueco, it's just a hop skip and a jump to BC.

Yes, I am embarking on this roadtrip by myself. Yes, I'm just a tad bit scared and yes, mom, I promise to be as safe as I can and not make eye contact. :)

ramble on

2005-11-29T23:42:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl and I couldn’t sleep, I used to get up and walk around the house in the dark. It was fun to navigate in the dark and to make as little noise as possible. I’ve done this in many places in my life. My favourite was my Aunt Leota’s cottage in St. Martins, NB. She and my Uncle Hilliard kept the place as a summer home for a while and eventually moved out there in their senior years.

I don’t know why, but I’m … well I wouldn’t call it sentimental, but I’m certainly reflective lately. It’s like my entire memory is playing back for me… considering just about everything that has ever happened in my life. I’m not exaggerating. I get songs from church in my head and remember the words. I see faces of children I went to school with. I hover over my old house via google earth. Can you believe they left the old shed up? Gross.

Where is home, really? Is it where you grew up? Is it where you are now? Is it where you die? That’s what I have on my mind. I’m really going tomiss this place, but on the other hand, I hate it. That can’t be home.

What if, what if. The cheery fatalist side of me decided to show up today, and I started thinking about what if this trip was actually a bad idea. One of those tragic stories where the protagonist chases dreams, and meets an unfortunate disaster (are disasters ever fortunate?).

I don’t want my car to break down. No raping, pillaging or murder. No weird American stuff while I’m in the country. (heh heh country, gigiddy) I will climb as much as possible, and not injure myself. I will not hit myself in the teeth with a cam, or take a fall that results in my hitting the ground and exploding on impact.

My cheerful fatalist side has sabotaged earlier attempts at climbing holidays. I’ve really got to learn how to take risks. I was just thinking about lead climbing - and lead falling – and I broke into a sweat. And that was just thinking about leading in the gym! Eek! I hope I’m ready for this trip. Maybe I’ll just boulder V0s that are 10ft high or less with good landings!

Oh me oh my. It’s so strange. I’m oddly calm with this decision, I know it’s right… I get so excited but goddamn I’m scared. Me me me.

If this trip turns out to be a bad idea, it could change me forever. I won’t be taking anymore risks in life, not ever. I’ll become a boring secretary who is happy to stay at work with her flabby triceps. I’m dramatic as well.

surreality settling down

2005-11-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to feel oddly calm about my decision. it's still quite surreal though, I look around at all i have... the fancy job and the pretty apartment... and i think "wow, i'm really just walking away from this." I appreciate it more already!

In other news, I've allowed myself to think about the trip i'm about to take. I'm working out dates and where I'll be when. Depending on how my money goes, maybe i can stay in the SE states for a while... if i can make it through february, i'll go to the red in march. and if i go to the red in march, i'm not leaving until may. :)

ah, daydreams of climbing are coming true! Can't wait to be posting up here from different geographical locations.....

non tylenol-3 induced rambling

2005-11-23T00:21:00.000-07:00

so yesterday i was playing Damian for the Tetris Worlds household championship, and i was thinking.... why don't i quit my job tomorrow? it was tough enough to make it into work on Monday, I set a few things up from home to run at the office in the morning and then didn't make it in until 11am. I just couldn't be motivated.

So then later on when I was syringing my tooth holes (one of the beautiful side effects of being wisdom tooth liberated) I got to thinking - why don't I quit my job tomorrow? I couldn't think of any good reason to wait until Thursday... why sit in meetings all week planning for the future when i've got resignation on the brain?

Today I wrote my resignation letter first thing in the morning. I brought it into my manager and said something along the lines of "I was going to do this later in the week but, well, here" and handed it to him. In case he was wondering, I mumbled something about two week's notice. Just being clear that i'm not staying three weeks, or two weeks and a day, but two weeks exactly. i'm leaving on a tuesday then. How strange is that?
Overall it went well. He was happy for me and congratulated me. The letter went out informing the rest of the department later on in the afternoon.
What an experience! It was quite surreal. It's still quite surreal. I was trying to sleep, as most people around this time of the night, and my brain is racing, as always. I feel like a prison sentence was lifted and i'm free to go. Think that's harsh language? I've been with that company since I was 21 - I joined before I even finished college, and before that I was working full-time hours at a part-time job during college. So yeah, I'm ready for a break.

Just rambling again, but it's non-violent rambling at least. Not like the last time.... the T-3 induced rant about life. a life rant. just what every insomniac needs!

Two more paycheques to go, and then i'm gainfully unemployed.

Wow, i'm really doing this aren't I? Uh-oh, not going down that thought road again, if memory serves me correctly, then I finished the last post that way, instantly felt nauseous and went to lay down on the bathroom floor until the urge to regurgitate my stomach contents passed.

What is it about the bathroom floor that seems to cure nausea? I'm guessing it's the proximity to the toilet, so the pressure's off: need to puke? fret not! puking recepticle close at hand!

So yeah. I'm really doing this. I can finally allow myself to plan for my trip.

insomnia and the taste of blood

2005-11-17T05:16:00.000-07:00

so. Here i have arrived in the final stages of preparation. i got my wisdom teeth out today... as long as this goes well and heals without major complication, i'll be handing in my resignation at work next week.
This was my first surgical procedure... my first IV, sedation, tooth pulling... what a day!

i've heard of a condition called "dry socket" which is essentially when the blood clot that forms in the hole (aka socket) where the tooth was somehow becomes dislodged. apparently it's extremely painful. so needless to say i'm appropriately paranoid about the healing. i've had the taste of blood in my mouth for about 17 hours now, and i must say i would not make a very good vampire. i'm sick of it already!
i'm nervous. less nervous and crazy (like on the weekend, my last post) and more nervous and keeping my fingers crossed in anticipation.

sleep evades me tonight. i must write a strongly worded letter to the creators of tylenol-3. it should be ashamed to call itself a narcotic - i feel like i just chugged an espresso.

mind you, it's my brain again. racing like it's got somewhere to be and it's running late. the idealist part of me imagines a life happily ever after in BC, watching slow but steady progress in my climbing ability, and a job i love that suits my lifestyle (money to cover gear and rent... maybe food). i read recently in an interview: "inside every cynic is a dissapointed idealist". I really identified with that comment, since i'm slowly coming out of my self-imposed introverted stage of life. some people who didn't know me that well, or at all, described me as a cynic. well pardon me for not instantly believing everything i hear! i wish i could live forever in good health - climbing 5.14 by the time i'm 207 years old... then I'd be set! but things don't work that way, life is unpredictable and we're extremely fragile beings.

i've kept a journal since i learned how to write. it started off as a way to use my favourite coloured pencils (or pencil-crayons as they say here in ontario) and then developed into the quest to find what boy's initials suited my initals the best, and if we were destined for True Love Forever! That period of time gave way to darkly dramatic teenage thoughts, a bit of a hiatus, and then once i started climbing... my journal entries my first trip to potrero were all trying to calculate how soon i could quit my job and move there. i've taken the slow road... about 4 years of preparation, and part of me, a big part of me, feels like maybe this is some sort of joke? my journal(s) certainly would. "oh here's another entry about quitting her job. as if!"

well, journal, we'll see about that! i'm really going to do it this time!

i miss all the places i'll never go again.

2005-11-13T12:19:00.002-07:00

it's strange... when compared to others, my travels so far have been very minimal. i guess it's a way that we deal with our mortality - to honestly believe that when we visit a place we like, that we'll visit again. I just sorted through my maps. For those of you who don't know, I collect maps. The free ones put out by the ministry of transportation for different states and provinces. I sorted through so many brochures and pamphlets for places that i meant to return to, that i wanted see again... but now i have to admit to myself that these things may not happen.

I can now understand what it is that ties a person to one place. This is how the last few weeks have been for me, excitement... so excited i can barely contain myself, but then i head to the other end of the spectrum and get really sentimental. Very Sentimental. When I think about it I get dizzy.

I know i've been planning on this trip for a while... saving and planning... now that it has arrived, well, the date is getting closer, i think of all the little routines that i've grown accustomed to and i miss them. Maybe I'm being a bit of a drama queen, but i just really need to say good-bye to this chapter of my life... say good-bye and look towards the future. A lot of discovery is coming up over the next year. New places to see, and hopefully much opportunity for self growth.

this is huge. i wouldn't describe myself as stressed, but i think damian sure would! besides that, i've given myself some sort of repetitive-stress-trying-to-hard type of injury from the gym. that was the "oh my god i'm going on a roadtrip i have to train really hard" period of time that passed. my skin has decided to break out, my hair is always floppy and bad, and sometimes i feel like crying. and sometimes i do cry. maybe i'm staying home too much.

it's a month to go... i feel bad for "abandoning" the people i work with although they DO pay me to be there, and they'll pay another person to do my job and eventually I'll be forgotten.

I'm in the eye of the hurricane as far as preparations go. I've sold off just about everything i wanted to sell, cleaned out just about all the junk i wanted to give away, it feels like there's nothing left to do but pack the car. And it's a bit too early to pack up the car.

in other news, i have to get my wisdom teeth extracted. That's the term the surgeon corrected me with when i said "so i have to get my wisdom teeth yanked?"
i'm not looking forward to it - if you do look forward to getting your wisdom teeth yanked, then there's probably something not quite right with you mentally.

damn do i ever not want to go to work tomorrow. i just feel like staying home and hiding under the bed.

i miss all the places i'll never go again.

2005-11-13T12:19:00.001-07:00

i miss all the places i'll never go again.

2005-11-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

sort of 3 weeks to go

2005-11-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

So today is 3 weeks until i give my notice at work. two weeks after that... do the math, i'm outta there in 5 weeks.

so much to do... should start blogging. oh yeah... check.

boring things so far. trips to the dentist, buying smaller coffees to save money... taking the car in for a CAA checkup tomorrow so i can find out if anything critical is about to fall off and endanger my life. here's hoping that it will at least be affordable.

in other news, things are going well for damian to be out of here at the end of january. i know it's a crappy time of year to move but this is how things worked out.