cilantro saved my life

i passed my roommate on the way home from the grocery store this evening. When asked "what are you going to do tonight?" I drew a blank and then responded "bask in the surreality of my life".

Ah yes, 2006 has been very surreal. A solo roadtrip where I drove 19,000km and visited 19 states. Spent a portion of my savings, and then scrambled back to Canada when I just couldn't appreciate visiting another new place.

I've been in Squamish for a week now, and things are going okay. I'm a basic everyday poor person, shopping at second hand stores, putting things back at the grocery store when they are deemed unaffordable, and spending many hours at the government employment agency. It's no fun to feel like an every day poor person, so I try to feel like a climbing bum dirtbag instead. At least that's a familiar feeling. Things are exactly as I had expected they would be in Squamish, and I'm really glad that I took the roadtrip first, instead of just moving straight out here from toronto. Things may have been a bit easier financially, but I doubt I would have coped very well.

I have secured employment... I had a very successful interview today and obtained a position as a hostess at a local restaurant. From there I'll be able to work my way up to being a server. This is what I wanted. I wanted to live in Squamish, I wanted to work at this particular restaurant. I am neither happy or sad about today's turn of events. Maybe when I collect my first pay cheque, reality will kick in. Until then, I haven't made any money at all in 2006.

A key thing that I have learned lately is about dealing with stress. Years ago, my motto was "I don't believe in stress, and I don't get stressed." I have now revised my belief to "you can't run from stress." Stress is everywhere, and typical of the English language, we're lacking words to describe it. There are so many different types of stress. My previous job was stressful, mainly because I wasn't getting a sense of accomplishment, and I wasn't interested in most of the tasks that I was assigned. Being on the road was a totally different type of stress. I think it's just best to recognize stress when you see it, and when you feel it. Call it what it is, it helps with the coping.

Money is a strange creature. In my old job position I could feel myself falling into the trap of never having enough. I'm glad I dropped everything before I woke up one day, old and stable, and realized that I hadn't scratched anything off my life's to-do list.

I'm really glad that I made a total life change. I'm happy with the results so far, and happy with the attention I have been able to give myself. Since I only know a handful of people here, I have more time to focus on my own mental health. Meditation and exercise help me feel in control of my otherwise drifting life.

I've picked a job that I won't make very much money at right away. In all reality, right now I'll have to work a few jobs to make ends meet. But that's okay. I want to work in the hospitality industry, specifically as a server, because I know I'll be good at it. I just know. With the techie job, there were always more educated people, or people that were up on the cutting edge of technology, reciting facts about the latest gadgets and gizmos when I just didn't give a damn. There was always a risk of losing skills or knowledge. As a server, I can work anywhere. This supports my dream to travel. Ah yes, travel is what I want to do. There are restaurants just about anywhere, and soon I'll be able to work all over the world. I'm happy that I got the job that I planned to get.

I'm happy that i've learned how to be self-sufficient, and most of all, I'm happy that I've learned how to focus on the good in my life.